Clocks in the counselling room

[Jenny]

I'm wondering whether you can see the clock when you're in the counselling room? Does it face you or the therapist or is it visible to both of you?

When i was in counselling i couldn't see the clock but my therapist could.. towards the end of the session i had a sense that the session was ending and i would be careful not to start a new deep conversation about something that could leave me vulnerable if she had to say 'we're out of time' and leave me in the middle of something painful. I sometimes thought it would be better if i could see the clock too so i could monitor it more.. but at the same time i think it's better that i couldn't see the clock. Otherwise i could get obsessed with clock watching, counting down the minutes, etc.

It brings up something important for me though and that is that it's the counsellor's job to bring the session to an end, not mine. I would often worry that time was running low and that my counsellor wouldn't feel able to stop me.. but actually that's her boundary to hold, not mine. It was quite liberating when i let myself let go of that responsibility.

Although i do have to say that i would hate it when i caught her glancing at the clock during the session. Sometimes i would think that it must be because she was bored. In hindsight i should have mentioned this to her so we could talk about it.. chances are she wasn't bored, just keeping an eye on the clock in order to maintain boundaries. But yet again transference was coming in to play!

What are your experiences when it comes to the clock? Do you find yourself trying to peek at your watch or does time fly?

[brighteyes]

I have pretty much the same experience you did Jenny. The clock is to my back so I can't see it but my counselor can. I could tell when the session was nearing the end as she begins watching the clock more frequently. Sometimes it bothers me as I feel her attention begins to focus on what she had to do next so wasn't really listening any more. i am glad I can't see it because I know I might put off the more difficult things until there wasn't enough time to discuss them. I realize that somebody needs to keep track of time :dunno:

[Daisychain]

I have pretty much the same problem, I can't see the clock and towards the end of the sessions I'm practically afraid to speak because I don't want to leave after bringing something up and not talking through it. I have asked my therapist for 2 hour sessions instead of 1 hour for this very reason. Time flies in therapy for me, wish it didn't have to end so soon. :wub: therapy!!:angel:

[Claire]

It brings up something important for me though and that is that it's the counsellor's job to bring the session to an end, not mine. I would often worry that time was running low and that my counsellor wouldn't feel able to stop me.. but actually that's her boundary to hold, not mine. It was quite liberating when i let myself let go of that responsibility.

I've never considered this before now but now it's been said it's so true. Both of us can see the clock. I try my hardest not to look at it & granted for most of the session I'm staring at the floor, but when I think it's getting near the end I try to steal glances at the clock. If it's nearing the end I don't bring up anything new, I clam up & don't say a word.

I wonder if I should try not looking at the clock because I feel a lot more pressure on me if I am clock watching. It's bad enough as it is sometimes without feeling that I am responsible for bringing the session to an end.

[Jenny]

Claire i definitely hear you.. and maybe this is something you could talk to your counsellor about? (sorry to have raised issues for you though lol). Maybe you could work through this with her - tell her how you're taking on some responsibility for the ending of the session.. my guess is that if you're doing it with the clock then it's something you do in every day situations. That's not a criticism i'm just saying that often what happens in the counselling room is representative of daily life and so if you can work through it in therapy it could enlighten you to many more aspects of responsibility taking. Hope that makes some sort of sense lol :hug:

[Claire]

That makes perfect sense Jenny. And it's true.

I think you've made me understand what my therapist has been trying to do for all these years. :hug:

[Fluffy Flowers]

I have done both (as in been able to see the clock and not). With my current therapist we have used a variety of rooms and sometimes I can see the clock and sometimes I can't. Depending on my mood either can suit and work well for me. My therapist is good in that she often gives me the time I need (and I guess she does for everyone because she is often later) and we sometimes do over run, so a clock is more useful for her in a practical way, if not therapeutic. If I am uncomfortable and want to leave, or have something I need to talk about then sometimes a clock can be useful so that I have a sense of control and can be aware of where we are.

[TDM]

There's no clock in the room for me. It's irritating because we usually go overtime and I'll have classes to go to and so on, and so coming into class late is embarrassing, as well as explaining where I've been. I dont think I'd want a clock in the room though, as I would keep looking at it all the time.

TDM

[Cherrypie]

I am fascinated TDM at you saying its irritating when you go over as I personally try to squeeze every last minute that I can! Ha.. A joy to be over time... which no doubt says way too much about me!!

On a serious note.. I would not like to see the clock.. in my therapy its behind me which suits me. I do feel quite hurt if I notice him glance at it though, although of course now as a trainee I do understand its importance for us both, but I feel myself shut down if I see him checking. Silly I know but I feel its a signal that he wants to go or that he is bored or disinterested now so I don't want to continue either.. childish of me really.. but thats how it often is in the room. I can see him mentally kick himself if I notice and then try hard to bring me back but it can be quite a jolt back to reality for me. A reminder of what our relationship is. I do personally find time boundaries really hard as an hour is never really enough.

We moved venue and there was a new clock but it ticked REALLY loud.. It was outside the room in minutes as I found it so distracting. I can sense the ticking in my head anyway so the last thing I needed was it going TICK TOCK TICK TOCK at me! It may as well have stood up and started tapping its feet!! Arghh!! The fact that my counsellor put it outside immediately for me though really gave me a feeling of being listened to and cared for...so maybe, just maybe, clocks do have their good points!!

[Jenny]

Silly I know but I feel its a signal that he wants to go or that he is bored or disinterested now so I don't want to continue either.. childish of me really.. but thats how it often is in the room.

This is exactly how it was for me.. when i first started counselling i remember i used to really mumble my words - try to get them out as quickly as possible because i was scared that if i spoke slowly or too much, other people would get bored of me. I have always felt like i'm a boring person and that replayed itself in the counselling sessions with my therapist. At one point i even told her that i was worried about her because she looked tired - i told her that i wasn't worried about her as such but worried that she would fall asleep instead of listening to me, because i was so boring!

I don't think it's childish.. i think it's possibly something brought on by childhood experiences (for me it is anyway) but that doesn't mean it's childish. It's important.. and important to discuss in the therapy room if you feel brave enough, as when i did some amazing work came from it!

And i too would try to squeeze every minute out of the sessions.. i would hate the end of each session.. sometimes counting down to the following week! But my therapist never went over the hour.. actually, that's a lie.. she did on our very last appointment because we had a bad ending and i was very distressed (that's a totally different story lol)

xx

[TDM]

I think it's different for you guys - because you're all adults and I'm not and its a school counsellor. With my timetable as full as it is, I can only come out during spares, or I miss too much class time and have to also explain where I've been, which is no fun. Also, I don't particularly like going and only make appointments when I absolutely *have* to. (says a lot about me too)

TDM

[shrinknightmare]

I can't see the clock from where I sit. Once I was seeing a male psych and he played silence games, I got bored and discreetly looked at my watch and got caught doing it and got told off!!!

I just talk really quickly sometimes, to get everything out and will interrupt her and change the subject, I must make her dizzy at times.

[Old Wolf]

I have pretty much the same problem, I can't see the clock and towards the end of the sessions I'm practically afraid to speak because I don't want to leave after bringing something up and not talking through it. I have asked my therapist for 2 hour sessions instead of 1 hour for this very reason. Time flies in therapy for me, wish it didn't have to end so soon. :wub: therapy!!:angel:
I wonder if the problem wouldn't still occur at the end of two hours - it's the ending that seems to be the problem - "wish it didn't have to end so soon".
If something important enters your mind close to the end you could explain to your therapist the dilemna you find yourself in without getting into the actual subject matter and possibly arrange to explore it at the next sesion?

[shrinknightmare]

I don't worry about the ending really and have even told her about a suicide attempt 5 mins before the end.

[Katmandu40]

I can see the clock if I turn my head around to look...but it's not right in front of me. Actually, I can usually sense when my session is about to end.

[mel]

I wonder if the problem wouldn't still occur at the end of two hours - it's the ending that seems to be the problem - "wish it didn't have to end so soon".
If something important enters your mind close to the end you could explain to your therapist the dilemna you find yourself in without getting into the actual subject matter and possibly arrange to explore it at the next sesion?
I think that is a really good point you are making Old Wolf.

I have been in personal therapy for almost 5 years [I think] and I still finish the sessions. Sometimes I even leave the session 5 minutes early.
Sometimes 10.
It has a lot to do with me being in control. Something I am not looking forward exploring...

mel

[Old Wolf]

Mel wrote,

I have been in personal therapy for almost 5 years and I still finish the sessions. Sometimes I even leave the session 5 minutes early.
Sometimes 10.
It has a lot to do with me being in control. Something I am not looking forward exploring...

mel[/COLOR][/FONT][/QUOTE]

Hi Mel,
It's interesting isn't it? That even after this number of years you still finish [I]early as a way of exerting control. Why not really take control and try finishing on time? We may feel like we're taking control but in fact our need to "take control" is actually controlling us don't you think?
Hope you're enjoying the Easter hols - oops, just thought - I'm not even sure where you are!! Best wishes anyway.
Old Wolf

[mel]

We may feel like we're taking control but in fact our need to "take control" is actually controlling us don't you think?
Absolutely!

[Jenny]

This is really interesting.. i'm sitting here thinking that when i was in therapy i'd also "sense" when the end of the session was coming up and towards the end (maybe 10 minutes or so before the end of the session) i'd slowly wind down. I mean, i wouldn't start off a new topic about anything 'deep' because i was really scared to be told "we're out of time now" and be cut short. I have a big issue with people not hearing me and i was always scared that i would say something at the end of the session and not be heard because we'd ran out of time.

So emotionally maybe i was ending the session in my head a little earlier, which is a pity because i was paying for 60 minutes but only truly getting 50!

:hatch:

[Old Wolf]

So emotionally maybe i was ending the session in my head a little earlier, which is a pity because i was paying for 60 minutes but only truly getting 50!
:hatch:

The thing about good therapy is that most of what goes on tells us something about ourselves - the value isn't allways recognised until something surfaces and is discussed openly. You seem to think the 10 minutes was a waste but in fact it may have been the most valuable part of the session because it supplied more insight into the issue of "not being heard". I trust the relevance was recognised at the time and you were able to explore it fully. There are so many issues which can surface around the ending of sessions which is why it is a very important "boundary". Unlike yourself, some people use the end to dump something they want to get out but are frightened of how their therapist might react or, rather, the effect it might have on the therapist or on themself. Some seem to dump at the end in order that they can have a week to adjust to it "being out" so as to speak before they have to explore it in more detail. The thing is we are all unique and the issues we bring are all specific to that uniqueness i.e. on the surface lots of people may have issues around "being heard" but the more this is explored the more we can see that each persons experience of this is very much their own. The thing is, it needs a "firm end boundary" to make all these thing safe - imagine how unsafe it would feel for someone such as yourself if your therapist was in the habit of ending at any old time, early or late!!

[IndieSoul]

I can see the clock if I turn my head around to look...but it's not right in front of me. Actually, I can usually sense when my session is about to end.

Same thing with me when I had sessions with my social worker.

[LostInThought]

If I think back to the room. I dont even think there is a clock....

although he does often check is watch or Iphone lol

[Jenny]

I'm in therapy again now.. and at first she had a small clock (i remember this because in one session the alarm went off half way through the session!). Then after a few sessions she introduced a BIG screened digitial clock, which faced me... now i notice the clock is facing me less and less.

I personally find it hard to know how many minutes i have left of a session because i find myself winding down the session.. i don't want to get stopped half way through a sentence or anything. But on the other hand i know it's her responsibility to end the session, not mine. Although a couple of times we've run 4 or 5 minutes past the time and that's confused me. Again, i think i need to raise it with her!

[ocelot]

Interestingly, about two sessions ago I started asking my therapist if I could turn around the clock I can see from my seat, so I can't see it. She has another facing her. She asked why I wanted to do that and I explained that it is about two things. First, I tend to be too vigilant about not going over time, as I don't want to take more than I deserve or have a right to. And the second aspect is that I will start backing away from whatever I am dealing with emotionally when I see that there are about 10 minutes to go, since I don't want to leave in a mess. I am very careful to reconstruct my defenses upon leaving therapy.

She was somewhat bemused by the fact that it has taken me 18 months to decide to let her do her job, i.e., holding the time boundary, and ensuring that I am safe when I leave the office. Guess I am a slow learner!
Anyhow, she has no problem with it, but I notice that things get a bit suspenseful for me. I will keep doing this though, because I know I need to let go of my need to control things, especially in therapy, where I still have a hard time showing any real emotion.

[shrinknightmare]

There are 2 clocks and they both have different times and the wrong times. Because I spied them once and asked her if they both had the same times. LOL :)

[Jenny]

Ocelot I have just read what you wrote here and wanted to say that i can totally relate.. i look at the clock during sessions and when it's coming towards the end i wind down what i'm talking about. For me it's that i don't want her to cut me off half way through saying something, especially if it's painful.

But yes i guess it is the counsellor's job to maintain the time boundary and ensure, to an extent, that we are safe when the time is up. I find it interesting that you don't want to 'take more than you deserve'.. i guess i've never thought of it that way really. Like you don't want to be a burden or take advantage?

And having clocks with different times would be confusing for me, i think. I'd probably also point it out but underneath personally i'd be wanting to make sure i wasn't being ripped off, i.e. that she was using the same clock for the start and end time so that i wasn't losing out on minutes.

Having said that i think i lose out on about 10 minutes at the end of every therapy session anyway because i don't talk as much, knowing it's the end of the session!

[ocelot]

I find it interesting that you don't want to 'take more than you deserve'.. i guess i've never thought of it that way really. Like you don't want to be a burden or take advantage?

How this time thing works touches on a lot of core issues. Too much to get into in detail, but here is a for instance: My therapist once pointed out that I seem to want to do therapy without actually needing anything from her. In my mind, the fifty minutes allotted for a session are OK, by virtue of the fact that that is the standard. As in everyone can expect that. As soon as I exceed the fifty minutes though, I am asking for more, needing more, which is a huge no-no according to my as yet damaged belief system, and provokes mega anxiety. If it happens without my awareness because I can't see the time, then it is not my fault, so I don't have to expect punishment in the form of rejection, abandonment or being shamed.
Not hard to see why I am in therapy ;)