What is a 'safe' room for you?

[Jenny]

I ask because i once saw a therapist who, in hindsight, didn't encourage what i would consider to be a 'safe' room. I didn't raise the topic with her and actually only saw her a few times, but some things that contributed were:

The sessions took place in her conservatory at the back of her house. I personally don't like see through things like windows.. like, i HATE and i do mean HATE transparent plates. Yes, i'm weird. So i felt like i was a goldfish in a bowl!

What was worse though was that i saw her in the summer months (it never rained when i was there but i wonder what would have happened had it rained - it would've been so loud!?) and sometimes she'd open the door to let air in! Yes it was hot, but i didn't really appreciate having the back door wide open.. one time i could see her neighbour mowing his lawn. He was a fair distance away from us so am sure he couldn't hear, but it was distraction and didn't seem 'safe' to me.

When the door was open i would wonder what i'd do if i a bee came in the room. For anyone who knows me, i am so scared of bees and wasps.. so anything that buzzed i was paranoid about!

And the icing on the cake was one session when her cat wandered in to the room!!! The therapist asked me "do you mind cats?" and i answered "i have my own". Which technically wasn't quite what she was asking.. don't get me wrong, i love cats.. but not in my therapy room!! The bloody thing was sat there starring at her and she eventually sent him out the room.

In hindsight i don't know why i wasn't able to just openly say "what the hell!?" and voice my concerns about the lack of security for me. I guess it was easier for me to walk away rather than tell her my feelings. She was a good therapist and i'm sure we could have worked on a lot of things together, but i just couldn't seem to settle in that goldfish bowl.. err i mean.. room.

To me a "safe" room is one with the door shut. One with blinds or something at the window so people can't stare in and they can be turned as necessary to keep the sun out of my eyes. It's one that's warm (but not too hot) with a nice little side lamp to give a safe ambience. Ideally i think the client and therapist should be on chairs of the same height.. in an uncluttered room..

I wouldn't want to see all the therapists' books in the room. I mean, yes it would be very interesting to see what the therapist reads, but i think it would distract me.. and in a way i'd be asking myself why the therapist feels the need to show off (?) their books to me? Same goes for their certificates... i can ask for their certificates if i want to check their accrediation.. i don't really want the wall plastered in them!

Anyway, what are your thoughts?
:grouphug:

[TDM]

I agree. I HATE it when the blinds are open or the window's open, because then people can hear what you say. I'm always too scared to ask though, so I never do. It can't be too warm, I hate the heat. And other times the only times that she could see me would be during her lunch break... and so there'd be food in the room, which is to me, a no-no.

[Fluffy Flowers]

I personally like windows, but right now my therapy is on the second floor, so I can look out the windows and know I'm safe from people seeing or hearing me.

I like a place near the door to sit on the floor if necessary. I also like a minimalistic room, so no books or stuff, just the necessaries. Where I go for therapy at the moment each room has two chairs (comfy squashy chairs) and a table between them, and a desk and chair in the corner. I quite like the rooms they use there.

I DIDN'T like my first counsellor opening the window because the window opened right onto a pathway and I kept hearing people walk past and surely if I could hear them, they could hear me. Along with that, I guess I like to know I can't hear others when I'm in my room.

[Wanna Be Counsellor]

This is really an interesting topic.

'Safe' can be very different to many people.

Where I was part of a CBT group was in a big room in a community centre. There was a door into the room and at the opposite end a Fire Exit directly into the car park.

As this was part of a study, we had weekly 'sessions' in the room and became very secure in it. I always sat facing the door, in the same chair. My counsellor noticed this and when others suggested moving around she sensed my discomfort and commented that we didn't HAVE to move around, but could if we wanted to. I never did, till the very end (a year later) I still sat in the same place.

Along with the group sessions were a regular set of paperwork questions and recorded (taped) session with a different counsellor/university person. She was the same person I'd seen prior to being accepted on the study. Well anyway, I turned up in the summer for these sheets, and I guess for want of a better word interview, and she had the fire exit door open to ventilate the room along with about half of the windows. In addition to this I always had to sit somewhere different for each of her 'interviews'. I never ever felt at ease with her, and I could often sense her staring at different parts of me during these times.

I very much put this down to not feeling 'safe' with her.

So.. for me, safe is sitting in the same place, without open doors and windows and not feeling that I'm being judged.

[Jenny]

Yes i'm not sure i'd like to have food in the counselling room. I know that counsellors are human (hard to believe at times lol) but i would prefer if they could feed themselves outside of the time when i'm paying for their services! That actually reminds me of my ex therapist.. i used to see her at 6pm on Friday evening and sometimes her stomach would rumble.. i was kinda worried about her.. well not about HER as such - i was more worried that she wasn't able to focus on ME! I know that when my stomach rumbles i get very easily distracted and unable to focus.. i wished she could eat before our session... but another example of when i wasn't able to bring my voice out in the open and actually tell her this!

And yeah seating is an important issue too.. i like to always sit in the same place.. ok change can be good, but so can security. And you're right that it's not always all about the actual safety of the room in a physical sense.. there's lots of meanings and personal definitions of the word 'safe', and at the end of the day having a perfectly physically 'safe' therapy room would mean little if the client is unable to trust the therapist.

Hmm yes this is making me think some more :)