Sarcasm in the therapy room

[Jenny]

When i first started my therapy I remember my therapist used to be a little sarcastic with me. Like she'd say things in a jokey way like "oh yes i forgot you don't do feelings" or whatever. At one point i thought about asking her whether she was angry at me (someone told me that sarcasm is a form of anger!?) but after a few weeks she stopped being sarcastic with me - i wonder if she took it to her own supervision.

Anyway, i wonder whether anyone here has experience of sarcasm in the therapy room? Or do you think sarcasm is a form of anger?

I personally am a very sarcastic person.. and i don't "do" feelings such as anger, and if i'm totally honest i think i use sarcasm sometimes to express my anger in an acceptable way, by making light of things and 'joking'. :hiding:

[TDM]

I dont see anything wrong with sarcasm, as long as the client/therapist/whoever can actually pick it up. If they cant then it sends quite a lot of stuff out the window, I think.

TDM

[Daisychain]

Personally,I hate sarcasm!

My therapist has been sarcastic at times, I let her know that I wasn't comfortable with it, she apologized and said it won't happen again.It never did. In a session I expect her to be professional,so sarcasm isn't appreciated. If that makes sense..? :shy:

[shrinknightmare]

My counsellor was sarcastic and I liked it, I thought it was really funny, we had a similar sense of humour, dry.

[Katmandu40]

My shrink never joked with me when I first started seeing her...I was the only one who cracked jokes...sarcastic jokes. Once she got to know me, she has used sarcasm and on a few occassions (like when I was having a hard time) she would say you do know I was joking with you. She and I have a dry sense of humor.

I guess it depends on what you are most comfortable with...I think it's great that Dasiychain was able to tell her counsellor she didn't like it!! I would have had some trouble doing that when I first started seeing my shrink.

[mel]

I understand that when another person laughs with me, I feel more comfortable. Believing they like me, like having me around etc. It makes me feel good, or better. Yet I believe that unconsciously, other parts of me, more vulnerable parts of me, will become deeply upset about not being taken seriously.
I personally believe that sarcasm is a form of anger expressed in a passive way. Sarcasm can feel funny - but I think it is very important that, as a counsellor, it is brought to supervision. Why was there a need to become sarcastic with this client? Or why is there a need to be sarcastic full stop.

I dont believe that people go to therapy because it is fun. There is an underlying pain, even if they are joking in the sessions. I feel that making light of something painful is inappropriate and will eventually cause therapy to break down, if not recognised and worked through.
That is of course just my experience.

mel

[shrinknightmare]

I actually do make light of lot of painful things. It is also very common in my job. Called "black sense of humour". I think without it, I would definately not be here. I once said, to the counsellor, "suicide a game the whole family can play", the counsellor laughed and then told me it was not funny. Often bad things will happen and I always do try and find the funny side.

Such as I had a bad experience with a counsellor who I just saw once instead of my regular counsellor, to see the funny side, I told my regular counsellor, that there were two good things this guy said to me, 1. You don't have to come and see me, 2. You can go now.

[mel]

I agree that humour, no matter how dark, is very important for some peoples survival and it certainly helped me survive. I still use a lot of humour in my life and could not see a life without it. Yet I have also learned that in therapy, with my counsellor, I do not have to behave the way I behave with my friends or husband. It is ok to not make light of it and to sit with the pain instead. Sit with it and feel it.
That takes a lot of guts and most of the times I still rather have a laugh.

The other day for example, my friend tells me about a telephone conversation she had with her solicitor. The woman told my friend that most people who do 'this' ['this' being the thing my friend tried to get info on] are mentally disturbed.
We both laughed about it but when I told my therapist about it I looked at her and her face was serious. There was no laughing. Not even a smile. [And my therapist doesnt mind having a laugh]
But not at this point. She was dead serious. I felt rotten. But now I understand why she didnt laugh and am glad she didnt. It was a deeply serious and painful comment to make.
But that is of course just my opinion.

mel

[Jenny]

Is that the 'gallows laugh'? I think humour can be very important in the therapy room (so it's not all doom and gloom lol) but i guess it needs to be appropriate. I personally have an issue with sarcasm having had a very sarcastic father, so maybe that's my own transference issues :)

[andyhp]

Humour can have a big place and a big part to play in therapy. I've worked, and work with, quite a few people who are experiencing Obssessive Compulsive Disorder and humour always seems to be important in the last stages of the therapy as the OCD is being overcome or at least getting to a point of being manageable. Laughter in and of itself can surely be therapeutic and does seem to 'take power away' from the compulsion elements of OCD's. I should add it's the clients who initiate the humour!

Sarcasm though? I'm not sure I can see a place for sarcasm although I guess there must have been times when it 'worked' in the history of therapy. I do think sarcasm can be a way of expressing anger and also a way of 'diminishing' things to avoid acknowledging their importantance. How many of us often deal with endings by 'doing down' or diminishing that which we are losing because actually it is important to us...make it 'less' and we won't have to acknowledge it's gone and therefore it isn't 'worth' missing. In a similar vein it can be an expression of envy...'I want that/to be like that but can't admit it so I will destroy it'.

Anyhow I can't help but think that anything that could possibly be 'achieved' by sarcasm could be better achieved some other way.

[Jenny]

I totally agree Andy.. i see a place for laughter as it is a coping mechanism for many (myself included) but i'm not sure about sarcasm.. maybe it's because of my own experiences of sarcasm, and because i am becoming more and more aware that i use sarcasm myself often when i'm feeling angry! I find it easier to "attack" through sarcasm as opposed to honestly saying how i'm feeling in an adult way! :popcorn:

[summer_rain]

I personally hate sarcasm both inside and outside the therapy room. Ive probably been sarcastic maybe once in my whole therapy and that was enough lol. I personally think I see sarcasm as a defence mechanism.... and in my opinion the point of therapy is to be honest and strong so by removing defence mechanism's you are open to finding the true issue more easily.

[mel]

I totally agree. Yet there is a reason why one would have a defence mechanism. Andthat needs patience, understanding and acceptance and some more patience for it to come down.

I am not worried if the client is sarcastic. It is the clients job to be defensive! I would worry a lot though if the counsellor was the sarcastic one! :doh:

[ell]

I'd really hate sarcasm is therapy...I'd feel really offended and hurt. But I hate sarcasm anyway.