'Sharing' your Therapist

[Fluffy Flowers]

Does anyone else here have to share their therapist with someone else you know?

How do you feel about it? How do you deal with it if it's an issue?

How do you feel about other people seeing your therapist in general?



I'm having real issues with this right now. Just wondered about anyone elses experiences.

[Jenny]

When i was seeing my therapist i hated to think of others seeing her too.. in fact i didn't let myself think about that too much.

I remember when i changed the time of my appointment i'd normally arrive a little early and sit outside in my car, and then i'd see the client she saw before me leave her house and drive off. I used to get so jealous!!

I had an incident with my therapist hugging me, which was great but then did blur my boundaries a little.. and when i spoke to her about it she just said "i hug all my clients". This actually pissed me off big time as I then felt like it wasn't special to me. In fact i think she totally missed my point about the hug, but hey ho.

Sorry you're struggling with this right now - i don't know what to suggest other than to talk about your feelings with her really.

:rose:

[Jenny]

Just re-reading this thread and realise i missed the point slightly as you were asking whether we were sharing our therapists with anyone we know. I've not been in this situation and personally i wouldn't want to know if anyone i know was seeing the same therapist as me.. i think i'd be tempted to ask them how the therapist is with them, and then compare etc. I guess it'd take some of the 'specialness' out of my experience with the therapist.

Thinking about it - anyone in group therapy would have to 'share' the therapist with others in the group, and over time they'd get to know others in the group, and i wonder how that would work out.

I guess it's like growing up as an only child and then getting a sibling and having to share the attention? I'm an only child and have always had all the attention.. there's no way i can share now! :-P

[Fluffy Flowers]

No Jenny, you didn't miss the point at all, I was asking generally as well as specifically.

There were other people in my group that saw my T, but that never bothered me. The problem I have is someone I have a toxic relationship with did the group course the course before me and still sees me T, and THAT is what is causing me the problems.

I was just wondering really what other people thought in terms of sharing their therapist, like if it was an issue, or not, if ewhen you know someone who is also seeing your T is that is hard or not, etc. Just really generally.

[Cherrypie]

Fluffy I hate to admit this but I hate it that I share my therapist. I want to be the only one and I want to be special! I know how that sounds!!

I hate feeling this way because it makes me feel a bit insane and incredibly selfish but its just how it is.. I have never felt this way about friends or partners...well certainly not to this degree! I have a brother and a sister who I gladly share my parents with so its quite unique to counselling..

I feel jealous and the ultimately quite sad if I ever bump into another client as it reminds me of what our relationship is. It reminds me that I am just a client and being a therapist is a job. I have felt on a conveyor belt on some kind of factory care line and on one occassion I felt quite sick, as though I was actually being cheated on!! My T had to point out gently that my jealousy of the situation was perhaps more in keeping were we lovers and as we are plainly not that perhaps I had it just slightly out of proportion...it was only then I realised that of course he was right. :shy: Major transference trigger I think!

I don't wish the other clients harm..in fact I know their lives must not be easy either and so I have sympathy for them. I would give them my free time money whatever I had but please, please just not my T!!!!!!!!

:fence:

Oddly though.. I have recommended him to friends as I trust he would care for them! I must be praying they won't take up on it!!

[Old Wolf]

Hi again,
I have just replied to your other thread. Having just read that and now reading this a new thought has popped into the old grey cells. I'm wondering if it's possible that, unconsciously, you fill your therapy time with a continuous stream of input in order to ensure you have the continuous attention of your therapist? Whether your issues around him seeing others aren't anti them at all but rather a need in you for him to have your attention even when you're not together - to know he holds you in his mind even when apart? One thing about the therapist and it just being a job for him - he chooses who he works with and he chose you and continues to choose you - it's not just the client who can end the therapy.
Once again, BW
Old Wolf

[Cherrypie]

even when you're not together - to know he holds you in his mind even when apart?

Ahh OW I wish! That feels important definitely, when we are apart he fills my every hour at times so of course I wish it were the same for him, it feels so imbalanced. I want to matter to him even though I know its unlikely..no..not just to matter, I want him to love me. :shy:

I have often asked if I am missed and I wish I was genuinely cared for and not just for the money. I know thats my fantasy and not reality. It is a job though OW isn't it.. I know you say he can choose me too but the bottom line is no money, no more care and if I couldn't pay I would be cut adrift.. I find it one of the hardest things to get my head around, this caring for money...to me it feels like buying love or sex and society generally finds that unacceptable so I am confused.. but its very likely just me getting in a muddle there..

I know counselling is meant to be caring and supportive but it does seem for some people to get complicated, when especially in longer term therapy, strong attachments can form. It all feels wrong somehow when deep feelings are being aroused. Its too late to back out once you realise, well I certainly have been captured! Being cared for is so addictive! It seems if therapy is the only way I can get this kind of care then I'll just have to keep on paying for it.

I do need to resolve all these issues as believe it or not I hope one day to offer it to others myself but reading this I just despair at the chances of that! I need to beleive in the process and so far I still find it such a puzzle!

Thankyou for helping me OW..just writing this I see that my connections between care, love and sex are perhaps confused... hmm... is this just a me thing..actually don't answer that..I think I know the answer.. :paperbag:

Cherrypie.

[Fluffy Flowers]

Cherrypie, I have thought this before but didn't say, but I think the fact you are going through all this will make you a far better counsellor/therapist than someone who hasn't gone through these issues and realises how hard it is.

It may feel awful and like its an unachievable dream, but actually, all this pain ande confusion now could be put to very good use later on when you do have your own clients.

[Jenny]

:agreed: Fluffy Flowers - 110% :)

[Old Wolf]

Hi Cherrypie,
This was a long reply but it went I know not where???!!! No time to redo - if anyone knows of a way to retreive it feel free.
BW
Old Wolf

[mel]

I want him to love me. :awww:

[Cherrypie]

Hi Cherrypie,
This was a long reply but it went I know not where???!!! No time to redo - if anyone knows of a way to retreive it feel free.
BW
Old Wolf

Thankyou anyway for taking the time anyway OW and I'm especially sorry it dissapeared. It has happened to me to when I lost my internet connection and it is really frustrating!

I know I have missed something valuable based on your replies to everyone so far.. You may be an Old Wolf but you are obviously an intelligent, caring and experienced Wolf which is greatly appreciated. :flowers:

[Cherrypie]

:awww:

:oops: Its a bit pathetic I know! Thankyou x

[Fluffy Flowers]

:oops: Its a bit pathetic I know! Thankyou x

Not pathetic.

Just Honest.

[mel]

Not pathetic but very very painful :grouphug:

[LostInThought]

I don't share my pysc with any one i know... well not that I know of any way.
But some times when I'm waiting to go in, and there is other people there. I often think to my self... what if they know why i'm here. what if he has told them. what if they are jugding me? what if they are here for the same reasons as me.
Some times i also get angry when their appointments over run and i have to wait to be seen.
Don't they think about others? the longer i have to wait, the more upset and anxious i yet.
I know its sounds some what bitchy. but I like it best when there is no one else there. I feel like i'm not in a rush. I like it when the building is quiet... just incase they can hear me though the walls. I worry to much. I don't like to be seen there. I want people to think i'm normal.

[Old Wolf]

Cherrypie,
Thankyou.
BW
Old Wolf

[shrinknightmare]

I have asked other people at work if they see the same person but no one does, because I would like to know how they find that particular therapist.

I don't mind sharing. When my shrink has forgotten when my next appointment is I have actually told her that since she sees so many people she cannot remember them all. If something comes up and I have to cancel I will let the the shrink's office know as soon as possible so someone else can use the spot.