Money Money Money

[Jenny]

Just thinking - for those who pay for counselling/therapy, what role does money play? Do you pay monthly or per session? Do you hand over a cheque? How do you feel about it?

I ask because i know that therapy is a profession - a therapist needs to pay a mortgage as do the rest of us - but i'm wondering how we all react to paying money?

Money is actually quite a big deal for me as my parents often showed me love through money, i.e. buy me anything i want (not any more, unfortunately!) And years ago i saw a counsellor who would bill me monthly, but i was convinced she was ripping me off! I never mentioned it (typical!!) but a part of me resented her for that. My ex therapist i saw for 2 years I would pay on entering the room - i used to put the cheque on her side table. I did so at the beginning of each session because i was concerned that i'd forget to pay at the end and i didn't want to be a "bad" client.

But a part of me finds that having to pay someone to care, listen and support feels false, almost like prostitution! But it's a service and one which i have gained a lot from and i guess you can't put a price on that. I remember someone pointing out to me that actually i was employing my therapist! I know counselling isn't about power and control, but it did help put in to perspective that actually i was paying for the service and if i didn't want to do something then i didn't have to (whether you're paying for it or not, that should be the case!)

Anyway, just thinking out loud and wondered what others think?

:grouphug:

[Old Wolf]

Hi Jenny,
You wrote - "But a part of me finds that having to pay someone to care, listen and support feels false, almost like prostitution!" I think there are two seperate things here that get muddled. 1) Payment and 2) The careing relationship. Perhaps it might help to look at these seperately if the muddle is to be avoided? 1) The client does "employ" the therapist and in so doing pays primarily for his/her time (and other associated costs). Without such payment most therapists could not survive or "be there" for anyone. 2)Careing and love cannot be bought. The quality of the relationship is not dependent on payment - buying time facilitates the forming of the therapeutic relationship not what is formed surely?
Regarding your parents - a stray thought pops into mind here. If they found it difficult to show love in an emotional way it could be that they didn't feel emotionally loved as children themselves. A point worth consideration is that perhaps they weren't only trying to show their love in a material way but, because of their previous experience, expected to have to buy yours?
BW
Old Wolf

[Fluffy Flowers]

I have had times where I have had to pay for therapy and it actually made it easier because I felt that she was there for a reason, as in to get money, so therefore I wasn't wasting her time, and the reason she was there was obvious. It meant that my issues surrounding wasting time, not being ill, etc, were minimalised because even though I may have been wasting time and I wasn't ill didnt matter because she was benefitting from it anyway.

I have twice been in therapy where obviously the therapist was paid, but not by me, and the issues about me seeing them and being able to justify seeing them were far greater.

[andyhp]

But a part of me finds that having to pay someone to care, listen and support feels false, almost like prostitution!

Well, I guess that if you are paying someone for 'a relationship' however therapeutic that may be, then yes there are many similarities!

[shrinknightmare]

When I first went to see my shrink, I don't pay, work does, I saw people handing $200 in cash over the counter, and I also likened it to prostitution as you explained.

Once she mentioned to me that she can survive without my work paying her. I really had no idea where that came from as I hadn't even made a mention of it. I don't know who pays her as in the hospital etc, or how much she earns, because it is none of my business and I don't care. She really does throw some funny things around at times and I don't where she gets her ideas.

[Katmandu40]

I was like you Jenny, feeling like I was paying someone to care about me...But, 1)she's not getting rich off me...I owe her a lot of money and 2) she has told me many times that she couldn't work with someone she didn't like. I'm beginning to believe her (finally!!). I feel bad that I just can't pay what I owe...she accepts this though and I pay what I can each month.

[Daisychain]

I pay 70 euros at the end of each session for counselling. 280 a month,its pricey. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, I just feel that she's there to help me , just doing her job..other times I feel that noone really cares, that they only care because they're getting paid to, I have mixed feelings about this.

[ell]

I pay weekly by cash. On my first session I actually forgot to pay, and only remembered having walked quite a long way from her house. So I went back to pay...she was very nice about it though hehe.

[Jenny]

I was going to write something along these lines the other day but was worried I may offend.. but that's not my intention in the slightest.

I was thinking that if a counsellor charges £40 a session then they'd have to see 10 clients a week (that's 2 a day) to make £20,800 a year. That seems pretty good to me! Although I do understand there's more to it than that.. like, holiday periods and clients cancelling appointments.. also tax and supervision costs, etc. Also the fact that they'd have to find regular clients also... but still.. when I was looking for a counsellor recently some were charing £100 a session!

I definitely have some work to do around money and my own self worth :beam: