Wondering about the end of my relationship with my counselor.

[IndieSoul]

I'm not sure if what I'm about to say will make any sense or not, but it just came into my mind so I thought I'd see what everyone thinks.

It seems, I don't know, kind of depressing to me to think of sharing all my thoughts and worries with someone, becoming very attached to this person, then have to say goodbye to them forever once the problems are resolved.

It's a relationship, isn't it? I mean, I don't want to just be done knowing my counselor one day. That's what I'm scared about, that I'll get attached to her, and then when my problems are resolved, I'll never see her again. I know that it might happen somewhere in the process. It's like, I just shared something very special with this person, and now I won't see them any more?

What if I don't want to say goodbye? I know that I have to sometime, but it's sad to think about right now.

Again, not sure if this makes any sense, just thought I'd give it a shot.

[Fluffy Flowers]

It makes sense to me :) And probably to most people who have been in therapy.

It can be really hard when you lose any relationship, and you will go through a period of grief, but hopefully, that should be minimalised.

It's important to remember that it shouldn't be a case of being dependent on someone and then the relationship ending. That only generally happens if something goes wrong in the therapeutic relationship. This is something I have actually experienced, and it is painful, but it is possible to move forward from that pain.

Ideally you will form a working relationship with your therapist (in whatever capacity works for you both, and that will obviously differ for other people) and then as you work through your issues you gradually gain more independence and have less need for your therapist and as that happens you will still be wokring together, but hopefully she will be helping you grow within yourself. Often, when the time is 'right' you and your therapist will start working towards an ending together, so you both have time to prepare, to discuss issues, to give you both some closure and peace about the ending of the relationship.

I have a lot of anxiety about the relationship I have with my therapist about this sort of issue, for a variety of issues, and she explained it to me like when parents have children the child is completely attached, but through time and nurturing the child goes through many changes and grows within themselves until they are independent and the parent can let them go and allow them to live their life. It's sort of a similar thing here, in that the therapist should help nurture you and help you grow and when the time is right, you will step into the world, feeling safe and confident about that.

Your fears about being without her show that right now this is not something you are ready for, and that's compeltely ok, but it is worth discussing these fears with your counsellor so that you can talk them through with you and hopefully she will reassure you and also maybe explain more to you about any of the issues you raise.

[Fluffy Flowers]

Oh, and that's how I see it from the perspective of a client, therapists may see it differently, as may other clients.

[IndieSoul]

:) Thank you, I see what you mean, and it makes perfect sense to me. I will discuss this issue with my counselor after I get to trust her more. For right now, I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I'm just at the beginning.

[Old Wolf]

Hi IndieSoul,
I think FluffyFlowers got it about spot on. If I would add anything it would be that when you do start to trust your therapist and begin the "real work" you might look at exploring rejection and attachment issues especially in relation to past experience. The thing with any relationship is that it always involves "risk" at some level - but then few gains are made without a degree of risk. If you have had bad past experience around these issues the "risks" will feel greater for you but don't let that fear stop you bringing these out into the open in therapy. If the therapeutic relationship is good the rewards of being open can be great.
Wishing you a good experience,
Old Wolf

[shrinknightmare]

The counsellor I used to see, quit her job, so was moved to another counsellor which didn't work out. I gave the counsellor who quit her job a card and a little present to show my appreciation. But I so miss the first counsellor.

The one I am seeing now I am keeping at a slight distance so when the time comes it won't be so hard.

Good question!!!

[Fluffy Flowers]

The counsellor I used to see, quit her job, so was moved to another counsellor which didn't work out. I gave the counsellor who quit her job a card and a little present to show my appreciation. But I so miss the first counsellor.

The one I am seeing now I am keeping at a slight distance so when the time comes it won't be so hard.

Good question!!!

Do you think maybe it might be worth talking to your current therapist about this?

[IndieSoul]

Do you think maybe it might be worth talking to your current therapist about this?

I do, now that you mention it. I haven't known her long enough to know if I am keeping her at a distance, but if I do end up doing it, I want to be able to let her know.