Anybody ever had their counsellor cry?

[shrinknightmare]

My counsellor tears up when I talk sometimes.

Last time I saw her she was once again trying to push anti-depressants on me, and I told her I wasn't interested. I noticed her eyes watering.

I am thinking maybe she should take the anti-depressants herself.

Have also noticed at other times she tears up while I am talking to her and discussing my daughter's death. She even once said that she felt my pain. Also not to let her tears worry me or stop me from saying what I want to say.

When my parents saw a counsellor at my work place they said that she started tearing up too. Both my parents were very grief stricken when they saw the counsellor, and our story was in the newspapers.

[Jenny]

Many years ago when I saw a counsellor she once cried when i was telling her about a past experience of mine. It wasn't hysterical tears or anything, but her eyes watered and a tear dropped down. It really shocked me and she said that she could really feel my pain... which was strange because i didn't feel the pain myself! It was a real eye opener and maybe the first time that i realised that my story was upsetting! I never attach to my feelings.. i'm either in my 'thinking' mode or my 'feeling/crying' mode, but to actually see someone else link the two together on my behalf was strange, but in a way good!

It helped open my eyes a little, and at first i was quite worried about her.. i hoped she was ok. But then after thinking about it i realised that i was not responsible for her feelings.. she was responsible for her own feelings and i responsible for mine, so i let go of the burden of looking after her.

I'm really waffling now, but i guess i just wanted to say that the fact my story lead her to tear up did have an impact on me in a positive way.

[TDM]

I made one of my counsellors cry once... fairly recently actually. I was telling her about the bushfires near our house in February, like, as they were happening, and how one of the fires was only a few kilometres from our house but we counted ourselves lucky because our house was still standing, and other people had lost theirs and some of my friends were in hospital, and one of them died. And then my friend's mum died of cancer the next day...

She didn't really cry lots, but her eyes watered and she shed a few tears... it was kinda weird and I felt really bad for making her cry.

TDM

[shrinknightmare]

we are obviously from the same country and state, I also had bushfires in the same suburb, and my boss wouldn't even tell me to go home even though I had finished all my work. Really feel for those people involved.

[mdmefontaine]

...i only saw a counselor 5 times.... during two of those sessions she cried, not sobbing hysterically, but tears in her eyes and some actual leakage.

she said she felt my pain.

i always imagined counselors/psyhologists to be very detached and removed, even a bit distant.

this touched me, and it made me realize i could never be a psychologist, because i cry over coffee commercials. lol

[Bid]

Hi everone

counsellors are human too they have feelings and emotions too.
and it is good to cry maybe you needed to see the counsellor cry to see that it was ok to show your feeling werid i know.
take care all of you

[Jenny]

counsellors are human too they have feelings and emotions too.


Sometimes easy to forget! I am guilty of often thinking my counsellor was somehow superhuman.. that she was 'perfect' and would always get things right for me, not have feelings of her own, etc. Mainly because the session was always about me.. not often in life people get the opportunity to talk about themselves solidly for 1 hour eh! But yes, i guess counsellors are human too..... strange thought that lol :surfing:

[summer_rain]

Ive had counselors whose eye's have filled with tears, in a way i take it as a bit of a compliment I guess that they must be truly hearing me in order to feel such emotion--- but if its too much I would worry because as a person recovering from codependency it might affect what I said in future conversations.

[Ms. Creepshow]

I never made any of my councellors cry and I am glad I didn't. Because I tend to feel guilty very easily, and I know I would've shut up if any of my councellors had ended up crying.

[Liveinhope]

yes I to have had a counsellor who cried, my story is almpst word for word like Jenny,s, I found it made me hold back though as I didnt want to make anyone else feel anywhere near asbad as i do somedays so for me it perhaps wasnt good, but i agree counsellors to are people and as such have feelings especially if you have seen them for a long time

[kfunk01]

my counselor always gets tears in her eyes almost everytime I meet. It makes me feel like what I am saying shouldn't happen to me or that she is hurt by what I am saying... I actually get a little scared because I don't know if it is something I shouldn't say or something... Like I did something wrong...

[Cherrypie]

kfunk01 I find that point you made really interesting. Crying is a human response and perhaps it is too much to expect that a counsellor can always hold her emotions back when hearing difficult material whilst spending time with someone they have got to know and care about. I wonder then if when a counsellor cries whether it would be better if at some point..maybe not in the immediate moment, as they probably don't want to detract from your story, maybe later she/he were to explain what was going on for them.. ?? Would that have helped you I wonder?

I think it may have helped me as I had a counsellor cry and I was confused because her tears were silent and although the tears were a human response it didn't match up with her not explaining what was happening so I was left puzzled, wondering was she sad for me, her? How bad is my situation that you are crying? I know her silence was her trying not to detract from me but it did stop me in my tracks anyway so I think it might have been better if she had explained.. I think I would have liked to have known that she cared or felt sad for me. That would have made sense..

Incidentally on this point another counsellor I had never cried and I really wished he would! Being a man he may find he has had a lifetime of learning not to so finds it easier to hold back but although I know it sounds wrong he seems so strong I sometimes think does anything I say touch him at all? So for me personally there is something in seeing a counsellors emotion that would be a comfort.

xCherrypie

[shrinknightmare]

she is tearing up every time I see her, wondering if maybe she has hayfever?

[Jenny]

Could you ask her shrinknightmare?

[Daisychain]

I have never made my counsellor cry,I think i'd feel really bad if I did..like I did something wrong but then again,I've never even cried in counselling. I hope I never do cause her to cry.

[geri]

so i wonder now where people are with this question?to cry or not to cry. i would be concerned if a counsellor were to cry at every session with a client. i would have to wonder whats going on for them. but there are times when a client shares something very powerful and i feel a therapist in the moment will not be afraid to acknoweldge their tears.sometimes there are no words.

[Jenny]

I agree Geri.. i think there's something very powerful in having your counsellor cry after sharing something with them. Although if they were to cry every week that would be a different story.

Having said that though I wonder whether the counsellor crying would need to be talked about in the session? I say that because all clients will think/react differently to it... personally i've always felt like i need to look after my mum, that her pain is always more important than mine. For example whenever (in the past, as i don't anymore!) i told my mum i was feeling sad, she would then feel sadder. Like i remember once when i was about 7 years old, lying in my bed and crying.. mum came in and then she started crying because i was crying.. i ended up feeling guilty and then looking after her.

What i'm trying to say is that this may well happen for me in the therapeutic relationship too because of the transference and just in general! I personally would need to talk about it i think.. and i think i'd need to remind myself that even if the counsellor cried because of something i said it wouldn't be my fault and i wouldn't need to look after her.

[mary]

My councillor says his allergies are acting up but now i think he was maybe emotional over what i was saying as he has said this twice now allergies um I wonder each time was when i was getting into my past issues