Dreams

[Jenny]

I am having the most amazing, strange dreams at the moment and i keep meaning to write them down, keep some sort of log. Not quite sure if this is the right forum but thought i'd start a little thread here..

Last night i dreamt that my mum was throwing me a surprise wedding! It was my ex partner who was going to marry me, even though we split up in February and haven't spoken since! I arrived at this location and my mum's side of the family was there.. and i was panicking because i was trying to think who of my friends would turn up. I was so scared there'd be no one from my friends there. I then asked my mum whether her partner was coming to the wedding.. and i asked who would be giving me away. As we arrived it was like a hollywood wedding location with hundreds of brides in gorgeous dresses in the street.. i was in some dress that my mum had picked out for me that i didn't really like and i was thinking 'ok i'll go through this wedding but i'll make sure my next one is more special'.

It was a little strange but i think it's because i've been thinking a lot recently about who my real friends are.. i spend a lot of my evenings/weekends home alone and because i've moved to a new area i have no one here who i know. I actually enjoy work because of the company!! I've also been thinking a lot that i'm now 30 and don't have a partner and feel like i'm coming to an age where i should have one. A lot of my friends from school are married/having kids, according to facebook.. and i feel very 'not normal'. I think part of my dream that sticks out to me also is that my dad doesn't feature in it at all - my mum does and so does her family, even her current partner but in my dream it doesn't occur to me who may be giving me away!

[Old Wolf]

Just a brief thought that jumped to mind as I read this - The dream makes it sound as though your mum runs your life - almost "owns" you??? Is there any truth to that I wonder?
OW

[Jenny]

Oh OW you're too good at this! I talked about this dream with my new (psychodynamic) therapist and that was her question too. And yes, i do have a sense of my mum 'owning' me.. we have few, mixed boundaries between us and it's hard to break away from her really.

Last night i dreamt that I walked in to my therapy room and sat on her couch, then i figured i'd lay down.. but i didn't want to put my feet up so i kept my feet on the floor but put the top half of my body down on the couch. The thing is, I put my head down at the wrong end of the couch! I had a strong sense that i'd done it "wrong".

This dream said a lot really - I remember feeling safer not lying down totally but instead keeping my tummy covered because then my tummy wouldn't be made vulnerable - that's where i feel all my childhood 'vulnerable' things are! And the sense of keeping it "wrong" was so strong.. I couldn't even get lying down in therapy right! This is so representative of my session with my therapist yesterday as I was saying that I feel like i can't get anything right.. and she said that in my next session she recommends i do lay down and start 'doing the work'. Scary!

[Old Wolf]

Hi there Jenny,
It's interesting isn't it that the tummy or solar plexus is consistently referred to as the centre of our being in many different more "spiritual" belief systems. We always curl up in the foetal position when we feel really threatened, protecting this very vulnerable area. Is the sense that you always get it wrong a common one for you? This could be linked to the mother issue as well. If a parent, however well meaning, is always doing things for us we never learn to stand on our own; to live with our own decisions etc. I can understand why it feels scary especially if the therapist is out of sight (can't help wondering what is she doing, where is she etc?) but this is something that will improve as the level of trust grows. I know it's easy said but if you can "risk it" it may even speed up the trust process in the end. Strange things dreams.....
OW