Needing the toilet in counselling...

[Jenny]

Whether you're a client or a counsellor, have you ever needed the toilet during a session!?

In my 2 years in counselling my counsellor never left the room to go to the toilet so either she went before i arrived or she held on to it (nice lol)

I always made sure i went before too but i remember a few times, needing the loo but not going. A part of me was scared she'd say no (not sure why she'd deny me the right to go to the loo but hey ho)... but at the same time i thought it would be a great chance to nosey around her house a bit more. I don't mean by going in to all rooms etc but just seeing where the toilet was, looking at her decor in there, etc. All i ever got to see was the hallway and the counselling room (all other doors were always closed) so maybe going to the loo would've been a chance to push the boundaries so to speak.

But at the end of the day, i didn't ever ask so there must be something in that in itself! The fact that i needed to go but didn't ask for what i needed. I guess a part of me too didn't want to waste the time i had with her by spending it in the bathroom!

[andyhp]

Yes I have needed the toilet while meeting with a client and I have gone. I've also had clients 'go' during meetings and have never really thought much about it. If I've gotta go I'll go!

The thread has made me think though...if I go while with a private client then effectively they are paying for my loo time. I have 'been' while with private clients and sometimes, depending on the nature of what we are doing, we have both needed and had a toilet break. No-one has commented at all as yet but I think there was an instance of a well known therapist whose elderly private client did say something along the lines of, 'I'm not paying you to go to the toilet young man'.

I do try to go before I meet a client but sometimes I may see up to 5 clients 'back to back' so to speak so it may be necessary. One thing I have learned as I've aged is to cut down on the coffee as it does 'stimulate' me!

I read a case study once about a psychodynamic therapist whose client would go at regular times in the session. This was always when they had touched upon a particular topic. I can't remember the insight or whatever that came from this but it was significant in their work...obviously. I haven't experienced anything like this myself as yet.

I'm wondering now if there have been times when clients have been gritting their teeth in meetings rather than ask to use the loo. One room I use has an 'ensuite' which I guess could be convenient or not depending on your anxieties!

[Jenny]

Yes i wonder what effect it has on a counsellor or client to need the toilet but not go! I mean, i know personally if i need to go and hold it back then it's hard to fully concentrate on anything else.. so in a way it could be better to just go!

To be totally honest I think i'd be annoyed if my counsellor went to the toilet, especially if it's more than once. It does kinda break up the flow of the session (if you know what i mean) and if you think about it.. when you're in school you are not normally allowed to go to school during lessons you normally have to wait until break time. I think if my counsellor was seeing 5 clients back to back, and if i knew about it, that would also worry me.. it wouldn't necessarily worry me about how my counsellor was coping, but about how it may or not be affecting their concentration and/or ability to fully be there for me should i be client number 5. I'd like to think my counsellor would have breaks in between sessions, at least long enough to go to the toilet.. hmm.

[andyhp]

Yes better to just go I think. I think it's better than squirming and certainly I know my mind may be elsewhere...I wouldn't be 'present'.

Mmm...but if your counsellor went to the loo and it annoyed you would you tell them?

In a perfect world the 10 minutes between each 50 minute 'hour' does give time for the loo. Unfortunately note writing, messages, colleagues and many other things seem to 'want' those 10 minutes too!! Equally unfortunately my body has little ability to differentiate between break time and session time!

The point you make about concentration etc is the reason 5 back to back is the recommended maximum. Again, in a perfect world, the times would be split so that there is one period of 30 mins between two of the clients...in a perfect world...

[Jenny]

Wow if only the world was perfect huh.. because to me, 5 clients one after the other feels wayyyyyyyyyyy too much! I recently was on the interview panel at work and in one day we interviewed a total of 7 people - that was with breaks inbetween and lunch, etc. but man it was way too much. I was fine for the first 2 or so, but i found it so tiring.. trying to give each one the same level of attention. But then i guess it's different as we had set questions and often the answers were pretty much the same (apart from the really odd one in the middle of the day lol)

It's odd really, because as i'm thinking about it i feel like i'd be annoyed if my counsellor disappeared for 2 minutes to the bathroom.. but then i often used to 'waste' time in the therapy room.. just sitting in silence or whatever. And actually i wonder what it would be like to be left in the room while the therapist was out! There must be something in that.... the feeling of being left but knowing she's coming back? I don't know. Not to mention the opportunity to take a good old look around the room while she's out! Now i'm starting to wish my ex counsellor had a weaker bladder!! lol

[mel]

I would feel offended if my counslelor got up and went to the loo. It is MY time. Of course if it was urgent I woulddnt mind at all but I would like herto be aware of it and that this is my time.
The same thing when the post man rings her bell while we are in session. She stays in her seat and does not answer the door.

[IndieSoul]

I did once, but it was while I was in the waiting room. It was a little embarrasing because the receptionist had to let me through the door (it locks from the inside), and it was about the time that my counselor comes from her other job, so I could see her standing there. I guess it's a bit weird, me seeing her there before my session actually starts. I have no idea why :)

[Daisychain]

Strangely enough,I've never needed to use the loo while at counselling lol! Either has she, I've never thought about it until now..I think if I did have to go I wouldn't ask, like you I wouldn't want to waste any time :)

[mel]

I would never use the counsellors loo. Not even when we (counsellor and me) were just about to go to hospiatl together. I have had a bad time and she asked whether I want to use the loo before we go... But I wouldnt.
I dont want nothing from her, not even the loo lol

[Fluffy Flowers]

I always try to go beforehand so haven't needed it.

I think if my T went to the loo during the session I would be paranoid and worry about what she was actually doing (I would be panicking she was calling someone to come and get me or something).

However, if she warned me beforehand that she had a non cathing upset stomach or a UTI or something and might need to go, that would not be a problem at all. Generally though, with mine, I think that she sees no one around the time she sees me so she has time to go beforehand.

[mary]

My Therapist always uses the bathroom before hand makes me think why; gets me paranoid a bit. Yes i have left to bathroom 3 times one session i guess being the nature of the session had me so upset i just kept running out.
My T never got mad but i would be annoyed if i was him I only did it that one session right at the start I guess i was nervous. I tend to try not to leave in the middle of session as i feel it is rude but if i have to i do. If he left it would not upset me its just nature.

[shrinknightmare]

I have a first visit with a counsellor and she stopped part way through to go to the toilet. I didn't mind, I wasn't paying, work supplied. But I had a sticky beak around her office while she was gone. Just looking at pictures on the wall etc, not going through drawers or anything. She was very tense, so it was a good break, she was getting me very upset, so was glad of the break.

I wish my current person would go, so I can have a sneak look through my file. She won't let me see the referral letter from work.

[andyhp]

I have a first visit with a counsellor and she stopped part way through to go to the toilet. I didn't mind, I wasn't paying, work supplied. But I had a sticky beak around her office while she was gone. Just looking at pictures on the wall etc, not going through drawers or anything. She was very tense, so it was a good break, she was getting me very upset, so was glad of the break.

I wish my current person would go, so I can have a sneak look through my file. She won't let me see the referral letter from work.

I couldn't help but laugh at some of this shrinknightmare. If it wasn't meant to be funny...sorry.

[shrinknightmare]

Thats ok, I'm glad I made you laugh. I make the current shrink laugh too, and she has tears coming down her face and shrieks with laughter. I told her she should be paying me for the entertainment. I still wish she would have an urgent need to go the toilet, so I can have a sneak peak. Sometimes she has offered to get me a drink of water, but her office is only a couple of feet away, so not much chance.

[andyhp]

Any chance she would get you a Big Mac, fries and a cherry coke if you asked? She surely would have to be gone long enough then!

Probably not a helpful suggestion I know!

[mel]

Humor and laughter can be healing cant it? Just like warmth and empathy it can bring two people closer together but I feel it is very important that the therapist never forgets the pain that this laughter might cover up and doesnt fall into something (collude with the client) that goes much deeper.
Because people do not enter into psychotherapy because they are happy. People enter into psychotherapy because of their pain.

It is the therapists job, depending on the approach they use, to work with the laughter AND work with their (the therapists) counter transference. Because a good enough therapist should know that what happens inside the therapeutic relationship also happens outside the therapeutic relationship with others.