What to wear?

[Jenny]

Whether you're a counsellor or client (or both) do you ever wonder what to wear in counselling!?

When i was in counselling for 2 years my counsellor was always immaculately dressed - in fact i don't think i ever saw her in the same outfit. She had lovely clothes, hair, makeup, nails, etc and i think in a way she was modelling something for me.

When i first started counselling with her i would make sure i had nice clothes on (maybe to impress her?) - she once commented on my outfit and said she loved what i'd done with the colours.. that was nice. But as time went on i would just go in jeans and a hoody! I found it more comfortable that way.. maybe a sign that i was trusting her more and not bothered what she thought of me.

Do you think a counsellor should make an effort in their clothes? I guess it's their job so, like everyone who works, they should be appropriately dressed.. but i also think there's nothing wrong with jeans for a counsellor. I guess i'm just wondering what is appropriate and i wonder if there's a dress code!? Or more likely it could just be down to counsellors' individual style?

[Old Wolf]

I know of no dress code. Whatever we wear the client will bring their own transferences and understanding to bear. On reflection I guess I try for a middle road. On the one extreme to be dressed slovenly risks the client thinking I don't think enough of them to make an effort, on the other for some to be too well dressed or more formally dressed could be distancing. Fact is, no way you can please everyone so perhaps the best way is to be dressed in a way that is comfortable fo you in the hope that if you are relaxed your client will also be?

[TDM]

I (am meant to) see a school counsellor, so I don't have to think about what I need to wear, because I have a uniform! She kind of has a dress code, so, she can't turn up in say, jeans and a T-shirt, but that's just like any other teacher at my school. I've never spoken to a counsellor face to face outside of a school setting, so it would be kind of odd for me, I guess.

TDM

[Jenny]

Yes i think the 'answer' is somewhere in the middle.. not too relaxed and not too formal. When I worked in the mental health department of the ministry of defence there was always debate as to whether the CPNs should wear civilian or army uniform. The team i worked in voted for civilian clothes so that they could help try to break down the barriers between them and the clients.. but then, the army is slightly different really to that of 'normal' counsellor-client relationships.

But yes i guess transference plays a role in it all too.. i hadn't thought of that! Nothing is ever simple :p

[andyhp]

Normally I'm a jeans and t-shirt person and I do wear jeans sometimes when working. I don't wear t-shirts though usually I wear a shirt or polo shirt type top. Of course the type of shirt/polo shirt can 'matter'. Personally I wouldn't wear one of those 'bankers' type shirts with stripes and a contrating white collar or those polo tops with writing all over them...personal choice.

One setting I work in frowns upon therapists wearing jeans so there I wear dark trousers or black jeans, which are 'ok'. They also 'hint' at shirts too so I guess it is a dress code albeit a loose one.

There is also the issue of dressing in accordance with the people you are more likely to be meeting. If working with younger people a more relaxed style may be 'better' if working in Harley Street and charging £200 per hour that relaxed style may not go down so well! Maybe it shouldn't matter but it can.

I have had moments of wondering what to wear or to be honest moments of anxiety as I realise I haven't got the 'appropriate' thing for that day. I've also thought that female therapists have it easier...more choice. What about it you female therapists...do you agree? In the dim and distant past I think I remember some 'advice' that said it was better not to wear black when working as a therapist as it's a power color. I do wear quite a lot of black so maybe I need to look at why...then again I just like black so maybe not!

I'm not conscious of trying to convey a particular image but then having said that I do alter my dress according to where I'm working. It may be 'imposed' to some extent but then I think I may do it even if it wasn't so there's 'something' there.

I've noticed some clients change the way they dress as therapy continues. Sometimes this has seemed significant enough for it to be a topic in a meeting other times not. I've known times when change to a different 'style' has mirrored changes the client feels they are undergoing.

As for the 't' word...transference may play a part in it and equally it may not. If our 'looking' is focused on what we expect to find we may never see or experience what actually is.

I wonder if I will remember this thread on monday morning? If I have to try on several different things it's your fault Jenny!!!

[Jenny]

I wonder if I will remember this thread on monday morning? If I have to try on several different things it's your fault Jenny!!!

LOL let me know! ;)

This is quite thought provoking really huh.. and i can see how clients' dress code may change to reflect their feelings. I'd never really thought about it.. but i definitely did do this - i became very relaxed.

But there's also something (maybe transference?) in a counsellor taking the time out to look after themselves and make an effort in putting together a nice outfit. My ex therapist obviously put effort in, although part of me wondered if she had a little 'perfectionist' streak in her as nothing was out of place... ever. In fact, thinking about it now, i remember her apologising in one session as she felt she was too dressed up - she explained that shewas going out for a meal after our session that evening. But to me, it wasn't anything different!

Am waffling :) You better get your iron out Andy.. best get planning now so you're not rushed on Monday morning, hehe x

[Daisychain]

My counsellor(haven't seen her in a while :( ) is usually dressed elegantly, and always looks like she's on a catwalk lol! I don't think what counsellors wear is of importance, it doesn't make any difference to me :)

I wear whatever I feel most comfortable in.

[mel]

I prefer my counsellor to look casual. Nothing OTT. Normal nails, normal hair. Normal lol.
I go to therapy with a hoody for the mere fact that I never show myself in therapy. Face, eyes, etc. Skin
Which gets very difficult in the summer time and hot.

I would not stay with a counsellor who I perceived to be too neat. Anger is never neat and I would wonder whether any kind of 'out of placeness' was acceptable in the room. With me. With him/her.

[IndieSoul]

My counselor wears stuff that I consider somewhere between casual and professional. It's nice, considering I normally wear stuff like cargo pants/combat boots/converse high tops to counseling. It's like she's the girly type I could never be :)

[Jenny]

I go to therapy with a hoody for the mere fact that I never show myself in therapy. Face, eyes, etc. Skin

Mel, i really relate to this.. at the beginning of my therapy I used to go in 'nice' clothes sometimes ones that even showed a bit of arm! But i'm not comfortable showing any of my body (including arms) to anyone and it wasn't long before i turned to the comfortable hoody - even in the summer. Has this been mentioned in your therapy? I never talked about it specifically in mine although i remember once mentioning my fear of showing my arms - she asked me what i was trying to hide but i didn't really explore it properly.

Who would have thought clothes could say so much!

[mel]

The first one and a half years of my therapy with my 'now' counsellor I never took my coat off or put my handbag to the side. Scarf coat and handbag stayed on.
Now I have relaxed a little and go with a hoody on my head instead. Yes she has mentioned it before but not sure what we talked about it.

[Jenny]

I have an image of you sitting there all ready to get up and leave if you needed to. Kinda like a defence mechanism.. or at least that's my image/thoughts :)

[andyhp]

Guess what I ummed and ahhed about this morning before going to work!!

[Cherrypie]

What my counsellor wore was of great significance to me and sometimes caused me a little annoyance and even offence on occasion..

He often looked a little casual which was kind of ok but worse sometimes he was even dirty with splatted muddy trousers and for a long time I took this as a sign that seeing me was not important. Not one bit. If he could not even be bothered to look smart and clean then he did not care very much about our sessions and so therefore I summised not much about me either.. I imagined him getting dressed at the last minute...putting on yesterdays clothes..last weeks clothes even!! I imagined they were in a heap on the floor and he didn't even check whether they were clean... I was as irrelevant as the clothes he had chucked on..

I did eventually bring it up after a few weeks of hinting with a look.. (which did not appear to be working) so I tried a little sarcasm on more than one occasion something along the lines of.. " Ahh..well thanks for the effort you made today..." To which of course he never replied or just looked at me with amusement like I was mad... which of course I was but thats neither here or there! He may have said once "Oh ...do you mean the mud.. hmm.. Does it bother you?" I thought 'Are you mad..does it bother me!! Of course it bothers me that you can't be bothered!!' Sometimes the mud would definitely look worse than others and I started to even wonder if he splatted extra dollops there on purpose to annoy me! Actually I'm still not convinced he didn't as he was obviously getting good mileage out of it!

Much later I found out he walked his dog in the fields just before our session for thinking time and so as to be in a calm space for his work..

:shy:

Appearances can be deceptive...the experience certainly taught me a lot about me. About the judgements I make based on appearance and about the assumptions I make about other peoples feelings towards me based on quite thin evidence!

I would encourage all clients to talk about all the feelings that come up in the room however silly or seemingly insignificant it may seem at the time!!

xCherrypie

[mel]

Guess what I ummed and ahhed about this morning before going to work!!
Is that a good thing?:popcorn:

[Fluffy Flowers]

All those I have seen have generally dressed smart casual, so nothing scruffy, just nice clothes really. they all looked presentable, but equally, not over formal.

I also try to look presentable too. The only time I don't is if I'm really, really tired and struggling, and then the make up may go, or the hair may go or sometimes I'll just wear a massive coat and cover myself up compeltely. that rarely happens though. The other week I was proper shattered, so tired that it was hard to move, and did just put on semi decent clothes and leave for the session. I didn't do my normally perfect makeup, I didn't even brush my hair and I was sort of embarassed to realise on the way that I hadn't even brushed my teeth. I didn't particularly care though because I was THAT tired.

I do think it's all part of the front in terms of being presentable, it means its' easier for me to hide emotionally I think.

[shrinknightmare]

I had one wear really trendy stuff, leggings etc. Another one wore jeans and sat with her legs wide apart. The current lady wears these long boring skirts with long boots.

You will laugh at this. I ride a motorbike so will rock up in motorbike clothes, leather pants, jacket and helmet, tank bag. Once I left my helmet behind in her room and had to get it back. Then when she lectures me about eating, I tell her that she can't by looking at me due to the motorbike gear and she can't make me get on the scales either. Once she weighed herself on the scales, and I told her she should do something about it. I can be very cheeky at times.

I just wear any old thing. Have even worn shorts, singlet and thongs.