Self awareness around this forum

[Jenny]

Ha yes, moving on from the 'self awareness around the home' thread, I was thinking.. if you think about this forum and your participation etc do you learn anything about yourself?

For example do you prefer to step back from things, or not feel able to reach out for help when you need it or like you need to be there for others only? How do you feel if you make a post but it takes a while for someone to reply, or if you don't get 'enough' replies? Do you ever feel like withdrawing/leaving? Would you rather contact someone privately, e.g. via PM, for support rather than post on the forum? Do you feel you fit in here? Is the feeling here on the forum familiar to you?

It may be different for me in answering these questions as I set up the forum, so (for once) i do feel like i 'fit in'. But i know that on other forums in the past I've never felt like i fitted in. I used to feel very rejected when people didn't reply to my posts yet i could see them online. But here, it feels different for me. I don't know whether it's just because i set the forum up or something, but i feel like it's quite a close-knit community and i've come to some understanding within myself that everyone has issues.. that people do the best they can and may not always be available/able to reply to my posts. Wish i had realised this years ago :p

I do like taking a hands-on approach and try to reply to threads maybe because i can remember how it felt on other forums when i didn't get replies. But there are times when i want to withdraw and just hide away.. at those times i normally do come in just to check the forum is safe from spammers but i still enjoy reading posts. I do feel 'safe' here although do sometimes worry that i wouldn't be able to totally withdraw, i.e. run away, should i need to. I mean, this is something i normally do for example with my counsellors and in life in general. I guess if those feelings arose here i'd have to work through them eh!

Anyway, anyone want to share their thoughts? x

[IndieSoul]

I try to reply to threads if I feel that what I'm saying could help the person. If not, I try to give support i.e. a hug or words of encouragement. I do feel that I "fit in" here, which is nice since I don't fit in much in real life. I go on another forum where I don't really feel this way, and it does make me sad when people don't reply to my posts. I think since joining this forum, I've come to see that people do care about what others are going through, and that it feels good to be a part of a community of caring people.

:arms:

[andyhp]

I wanted to ask you how it would feel if no-one replied to this post but dammit now I've replied to ask how you would feel if no-one replied!!!

I don't like it if I post something and no-one replies especially if I think it's something 'worth' replying to! So much so that when no-one replied to my post about registration I replied myself with a kind of 'there, now you will be sorry' post! Can't say it was something I didn't already know about myself though..I get irritated by what I see as a lack of interest in 'important' issues. Let me rephrase that more honestly...by what I see as important issues!!!

I haven't really thought about whether I fit in though...I post the threads I want to post, I reply to the threads I want to reply to...I've noticed that certain people seem not reply to my posts/threads and apart from the 'above' that is only cause for a passing thought.

I like to hear different people's experiences of things and what they've been through.

I find the idea of birthday wishes horrendous! Please don't let me stop anyone but please, please, please none for me!!

I would like everything I post to have far more replies than any other threads and in fact I would like to break the forum record...I'm comfortable with that though!

[Cherrypie]

Best you get thinking of a good topic then Andy... My mother married an Alien Aardvark might be an idea...wow where did that idea come from.. If you don't mind, incidentally I would be very interested as to why you would not want birthday wishes..The devil on my shoulder wants to send you a song, some balloons, a cake and a hug right now but I won't in case its a serious dislike.. horrendous sounds like it would feel pretty bad.. Perhaps a dislike of attention or being in the limelight in any way?

I found the thread on counselling training requiring therapy (or not) highly stressful and I tried to stay with it and not run away as I know I am usually very afraid of conflict and I need to be braver for my future career but it did unsettle me and scare me a little but I know where it comes from at least. I had this feeling that I wanted to say..ok guys lets not fight about it, it doesn't really matter and I felt very responsible for having created the topic in the first place.

I find the forum really interesting in that its another arena like counselling that represents a tiny microcosm of my outside life.. I want to reply to everyone but don't always feel I have the right words to say. I always feel guilty if I don't reply but I am aware that replying can feel like a responsibility..I cannot reply and walk away. If I do choose to reply then I am committing myself to that topic/conversation/person and it matters to me and I try to think very carefully about what I write.

I have missed a couple of important threads here for one reason and another but it plays on my mind that I did not help or contribute and thinking of one poster in particular I wonder/worry do they think that I don't care etc etc.. whoa my brain is full of needless junk I am sure. On the other side I am learning to try and protect my own boundaries and appreciate I have limits but it feels wrong still. Maybe martyrdom feels more comfy!

I of course cannot help but be aware of my recent 'Hiya I'm back' post that I posted recently after a week away. I did miss it here so I think belonging is important to me..for some reason I do feel I kind of fit in and that is due to some really kind peeps here and especially Jenny who is so welcoming and makes any post I offer sound as though its valid and welcomed. Thinking of that post now though I feel a bit sad. Sad that I needed some affirmation of my existence and to hear from people that they missed me..actually in life I would not ask for that so brazenly..I may wish for it but here with annonymity I can be braver..not sure thats a good thing!

I love getting pms and visitor messages and I do feel worried or sad were I not to get a reply (you know who you are...:)) but also I know I am impatient and needy so I find this form of communication quite difficult..sometimes having to wait an entire day for a reply.. arghhhhh.. Yes...the forum issues seem to reflect a lot about me don't they!

Finally...are you still awake? I am aware that I have gone on..and on.. and I often feel that here too.. guilty for talking too much.. You see the fatal error was Jenny mentioning self awareness in the topic and this is someting in which I have great practice! Too much perhaps. I worry my counselling has encouraged a self centredness, world revolves around me kind of thing, lets talk about me, me, me.. I feel embarrassed that I enjoy talking so much yet possibly don't actually have much of great value to talkabout!!

On that note..Ahem.. I think I'd better go..

:scooter: run away........

xCherrypie

[Katmandu40]

Cherrypie, I enjoy reading your posts and find them to be very insightful!! I'm very impressed with how open you are about yourself and how kind you are to others.

hmm Self awareness in the forum. I tend to feel I don't fit in or I'm invisible...I know it's silly, but it is how I feel. I try not to be impatient when it comes to responses to posts I have made...but it is hard to wait. I think about sharing some very personal things in here, but I chicken out. Maybe someday. Maybe someday I'll feel like I fit in somewhere. :(

[IndieSoul]

:hug: Katmandu :hug: I think you belong here. Your kind words always make me feel better, and I'm glad to have you here. I hope you feel better soon :arms:

[Jenny]

Wow! I will come back to this thread tonight as need to get ready for work right now.. and i'm aware that I dont want people to think i haven't read or bothered to reply lol

I wanted to ask you how it would feel if no-one replied to this post but dammit now I've replied to ask how you would feel if no-one replied!!!Just to quickly answer this (apart from saying 'lol'), I think i would have felt really worried that maybe I'd said too much in my original post. Also, i realise now that i think i put a bit too much pressure on myself to try to make sure everyone fits in/feels welcome. I think half of it is my 'role' because i don't want people to join up then run away, but i think i'm going to give myself a break.. like maybe i won't press 'submit reply' to this.. or maybe i will :doh:

Oh and Andy, if you don't want your birthday to show at the bottom you just need to go to your settings and make sure your birthday is set to private. I've just checked your settings and your date of birth isn't there at all so it won't show on the forum on your birthday... although i wonder whether there's some reason for not wanting a big deal on your birthday!? ha there's analysis possible everywhere huh! :)

As Arnie says.. I'll be back :night: (I wish) x

[Katmandu40]

Thank you Indie...that's kind of you! :hug:

[Jenny]

I'm back after a day's work and have been thinking of this thread (yep i need to get a life :))

A few things that jumped out at me.. one of which was the recent thread that had a little conflict in it. Cherrypie i find it interesting that you feel responsible for the conflict because you started the thread.. i wonder whether you find it difficult (as do i) to take responsibility for your own feelings and let others take responsibility for theirs? This is something i've struggled with a lot and still do.. i feel like if others are angry or upset etc like i have to fix it.. even if they're adults. I guess this goes back to my own childhood re my parents and it's hard to break that. I guess though everyone had their own 'stuff' going on during that post.. some will have run away, some will have taken sides, fought their corner, tried to 'rescue' etc. And each and every action is perfectly ok.

On a personal note I didn't follow the thread closely but my thoughts about this forum are to make it as unmoderated as possible. I've been on other forums where it's moderated quite a lot but i think i'd like this forum to be open.. sure we'll get any spam deleted and if anyone is here purely to cause trouble etc then that may need to be revisited, but other than that i'd like to aim for autonomy! On other forums it hasn't been possible to edit own posts or delete threads etc. On this forum anyone can edit their own posts and if anyone wants me to delete their posts, etc. i will. I think that is just reflective of where a person is in their journey.. if someone wants to 'withdraw' then who am i to stop them? I don't have that right.

Anyway, Cherrypie i don't see anything wrong in your 'I'm back' thread and good for you for asking for what you need! I'm sorry that you feel sad about it but i personally would find it sadder if you had felt sad but not expressed that. At least by expressing it and asking for what you wanted you gave us a chance to try to provide you with it.. and you gave Little Cherrypie a voice. That's fantastic and maybe by starting off here you can even start doing things like that in your 'real' life!?

I too sometimes think this forum, like counselling, is a massive reflection of our lives. Maybe we even transfer (that dreaded transference word) some feelings/thoughts on to the forum and/or members?

I hear that the lack of responses or the time it takes to get responses causes some concern.. i guess that's the downside of an internet forum in that it's not an instant thing it can take a while for others to get online and/or feel able to reply. But then we probably all know that on a thinking level but our feelings and thoughts don't always follow eachother huh!

Think i'm waffling now so will sign off. Am sure there were different things i wanted to say but now that i'm writing i can't think of them!

[andyhp]

Cherrypie...I'll take the ballons, song and hug thank you...just no birthday wishes!!

Jenny

I've just checked your settings and your date of birth isn't there at all so it won't show on the forum on your birthday... although i wonder whether there's some reason for not wanting a big deal on your birthday!? ha there's analysis possible everywhere huh!

There is indeed...the truth though is I didn't want to upset anyone. It is obvious to all that I am highly intelligent and accomplished in many ways and I didn't want to rub salt in the wound, so to speak, by letting it out that I've attained all this at the tender age of just 21.

[geri]

andyhp,
when i get to 21 i want to be just like you:happyno:
geri.

[Old Wolf]

andyhp,
Your modesty is blinding!

[geri]

so blinding i need ray bans:book:

[IndieSoul]

I wish I had half your self esteem Andy :)

[andyhp]

IndieSoul (wonderful username btw) I understand your wish for just half of my self esteem and wish you every success in your long and difficult quest.

geri I understand your wish to be just like me...why on earth wouldn't you wish for that...please be aware though that it will be difficult.

OW...thank you, I'm glad there are still people who can appreciate good old fashioned modesty, something I have in abundance of course.

I suspect I have inadvertantly hi-jacked the thread...sorry Jenny but perhaps it was inevitable...so I will soon bow to demand and open an 'I appreciate andy' thread for you all to follow me. Goodnight to you all wherever you are, you've been wonderful, and of course, so have I.

[crookxshanks]

just wanted to put my 2cents in as to how i feel

sometimes i feel awkward being on here in the fact that i dont fit in because of a forum i used to be on but i know i dont fit in there anymore because the people there dont want to get 'better' or learn to cope with things the way people do on here. i have times where i find it awkward to reply to threads but i do read as many as i can. i want to be able to deal with things in my life and move on but at the same time i want to really help people and because i feel like i have days where i cant i feel like i dont fit in. the thread i started about my talking group i was really wary about starting because i wasnt too sure if anyone would reply or not seeing as im not that well known here and i havent really posted anything supportive. so in that way i feel like i dont fit in

[Old Wolf]

Hi Crookxshanks,
There are times when we need support and times when we can give support - your day will come. I enjoy your "group" post and your openess here. Don't worry about fitting in, just be who you are.
OW

[Katmandu40]

I'm glad you were able to say how you feel crookxshanks! I know that that is not always easy to do, especially if you feel you don't fit in! I know I feel that way at times and it's not a nice way to feel...rather lonely. Personally, I think you fit in just fine here!! Maybe in time, you will feel more at ease here. Maybe I will too! :hug:

[Fluffy Flowers]

I very rarely venture outside of the Safe Haven, but have done today and so just found this. I find this a fascinating thread and read it all.

Hmm.

On the forum I feel pretty worthless because on every other forum I go on I have stuff to offer, but on here I feel I have nothing to offer because there are those with training, more awareness, etc, and so I feel I have nothing to really offer.

I think it is that that has made me put this forum on the other side of my wall. So I don't particulary have any strong feelings about this forum, or think about it, or expect anything from it, or really care about it. That all comes down to a defence.

Having said that, there are people on here that are 'safe' for me and who I do care about, and others that I know more at a distance, but again, care about.

Also, the 'safe haven' has gotten through my wall, and so I feel ok replying to threads there, and rarely venture outside of it. I don't reply to all the threads though and that goes back to not having anything to offer (and I also worry about saying the wrong thing and people judging it for me), but I read every single one.

I don't often venture further a field, other than the arcade, but have done today and it feels very uncomfortable for me, even in the forums I read the most, like about Counselling Debates, which I really like.

I also just want to add, that all the things I feel about this forum are related to me, and no one, not any one person, from here has backed up any of those things, it is just me and how I feel. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I do really like the place, I just feel I have nothing to offer, that's all.

[Cherrypie]

Welcome to this side Fluffy Flowers!! I feel that in your just taking the time to share that post with us is offering everyone who reads it soooo much, just that in itself..

Its a shame to hear that some people feel unsure about what they have to offer or whether they fit in etc and I have no doubt I have moments of feeling something similar. But as I write I wonder what can any of us really offer here other than our personal opinions and perhaps if we are feeling able maybe the hand of friendship and support in a line or two? I personally find everyones experiences as a client or counsellor..or even just simply as a human being sharing this bit of lifetime with me.. interesting and helpful too.

In offering our honest and personal opinions I think we give to others a little of our very selves, our thoughts and feelings are a gift to one another and I feel honoured to share in it and I learn from it. From where I am lolloping you and maybe even I (eeek..thats hard for me too) have as much to offer as anyone else here..

Thats just my opinion of course and I understand that you do just feel that way but I just wanted to offer an alternative view..

I for one am really glad you could join us here in the not so safe..maybe slightly scarier but just as happy to see you kind of a place!!

xCherrypie

[Katmandu40]

I personally think you have a great deal to offer this forum Fluffy!! You have been supportive to me and I have greatly appreciated it!!! I have to agree with Cherrypie and all that she has said to you; much better than I could say it I might add! :hug: Thanks for coming in here and taking a chance!