plenty of fish?

[andyhp]

Saw the add that runs at the top of the page and was wondering...

Anybody ever used a dating agency/website?

Whether have or have not, got any views on them?

I haven't used one but it seems to me they are quite a good idea. I'm busy, I work long and odd hours so I think I might use one...ahemm I might use one if I wasn't very happily 'attached' and not wishing to be unattached anytime soon I should add!!

[Jenny]

A couple of years ago I met up with someone from a dating site.. it was a one off as it wasn't a great experience. Put it this way - his online photo was MUCH nicer than in real life! Not that it's all to do with looks, but his personality didn't make up for it!!

My mum has dated lots from online dating sites.. she is now in her 2nd long term relationship from the internet and they are very well suited. Have heard lots of positive things from online dating, although from the sounds of it you have to be prepared for heartache, not hearing back from people, rejection, etc (as with any dating).. but then also the possibility to find that perfect match!

[Cherrypie]

I've never used one but perused one for mother..which I know sounds a bit strange but when she became single she was quite isolated and I wondered how she could get 'out there' as she is absolutely lovely (completely biased of couse) but quite shy. I had know younger single friends who had tried it but before I suggested this route to her I thought I would check out the market so to speak!

Now this may be a sweeping generalisation but in my limited searching of only a couple of sites on one evening and inputting her age of around 60ish the men of the same age were 'seeking' women but all younger than them. Many stating the age range they would accept as something like aged 20-40?! Just like offline life perhaps!! I could not actually find a man her age looking for a woman of the same age. To be honest it just made me feel a bit cross and I didn't then suggest it to her as I thought it wouldn't do her confidence any good!

I might try it were I single but it feels a bit unsafe..then again..is it any different to meeting a stranger in a pub? Possibly not.. There is one girl in my support group who uses them regularly but she says many lie about one detail or another and the main detail often missing is their marriage to someone else...wonder how they forget to mention it..

xCherrypie

[andyhp]

Interesting, although I'm not sure why, that both your mums have used 'em.

I guess in many ways it is much like meeting someone 'in real life' so to speak in that you don't know if what you are told is entirely true. Of course a big difference must be that if you meet someone in the real world, at the pub say, you know what they really look like (seeing thru 'beer goggles' excluded!!). I suppose this brings up the issue of what attracts us to someone else. If I see someone across a pub and don't already know them in any way then it has to be a physical attraction whereas I could 'meet' someone online, not see a photo (even an accurate one) and feel some attraction for other reasons. I guess the big question would be, if you were attracted to someone you have not seen then for that attraction to grow or even survive do they need to be 'physically' attractive to you as well when you meet them?

I have never had a 'relationship' (you know what I mean) with a women I did not find physically attractive so for me the answer would have to be yes...or yes as yet.

The age thing is interesting too. Is it not the societal 'norm' for the man to be older than the women? How much of it is nature and how much nurture? Is it all the way we are conditioned as to what is attractive and what is not or is there something in there about biological drives influencing what is/is not attractive? Is it both? Does this work the same way for men and women?

My partner is more than 10 years younger than me yet I don't think there was any 'urge to continue my line'. I saw her and thought wow! Of course maybe a part of this 'wow' was 'I want to continue my line with her because she is so wow'?

Anyhoo, I guess I'd use a dating site/agency without feeling any 'shame'.

I think I recall a TV ad that claimed that 80% of new marriages in the USA come as the result of internet meeting. If I'm remembering correctly that's either a/ a huge figure or b/ the producer of the ad is an internet dating agency!!

[Cherrypie]

My mum didn't use it Andy, I looked on her behalf but realised it wasn't a great idea for her at the time.. I don't know.. counsellors not listening.. :D

So where can I puchase me these beer goggles you speak of? I could do with some for staring at him indoors.. Ahh only joking.. hes pretty good eye candy actually..but would they make me thinner though..maybe he could do with some! If I suddenly lose 2 stone he might then wallpaper something..

Urge to continue your line!?! LOL Andy what was that!! And you complained about the girls innocent chatter!!

It is interesting what you say though. If you find someone attractive online does it immediately dissapear when you meet them and they are not as imagined?? Seems a shame doesn't it..you could have found what seemed a soul mate online but find in reality you would never maybe even spoken to them...kind of sad but understandable I suppose..we are visual as well as thinking and talking beings.. What heart break that situation could cause if you have chatted for a long time and created a relationship of sorts..

Which then leaves me to wonder if blind people simply go on personality and compatibility or whether they use some touch as a guide also to attraction..could they be as put off by say feeling a mans overly hairy chest or perhaps a girls fat ankles?! Why not I suppose..but is an attraction without the visual cue a more pure kind of relationship? Because as we age I imagine it must lose some of its importance and what are we left with at the core? Does being initally attracted and hooked by the visual just get in the way and confuse the issue!? Physical attractiveness is certainly no guarantee of kindness, fidelity or compatability..

Fascinating! Could waffle on and on.. but have work tomorrow and I am so going to regret this waffling already..

xCherrypie

[Jenny]

I know when my mum was looking on the site (she's 56 years old) she had men in their 20s messaging her offering her 'a good time' etc. There was something slightly disturbing about that but luckily she never took them up on it (that i know of!)

I think it's becoming more socially acceptable to find someone online, because it's often hard to find the right person in daily life, e.g. at work or down the pub, etc. I guess people coped for centuries without it though and we didn't stop reproducing, but i guess we gotta roll with the times eh.

Andy i think i've seen that advert too where it said something about in america of all the people asked, a percentage of the people asked who got married had met on that website. But you gotta ask yourself, who was their target audience that they asked!? Probably members of that website. Although i do think there is something to be said for trying to match people with people who have similar interests etc. Or at least something in common.. i know sometimes opposites attract but i guess some little thing in common would be good as a back up plan to talk about on that first date.

[andyhp]

My mum didn't use it Andy, I looked on her behalf but realised it wasn't a great idea for her at the time.. I don't know.. counsellors not listening..

So where can I puchase me these beer goggles you speak of? I could do with some for staring at him indoors.. Ahh only joking.. hes pretty good eye candy actually..but would they make me thinner though..maybe he could do with some! If I suddenly lose 2 stone he might then wallpaper something..

Strike one for me and my non existent listening skills!! Beer goggles may be purchased at any place where beer is sold. To 'don' your goggles simply drink as much beer as possible without actually passing out and then look at other people. The affects can be amazing!!

Yep jenny it would seem then that the ad producers are the dating company. It would be unusual if they had an ad that said 'actually no-one who met on our site ever got married'. The results tend to validate those who have a vested interest in those results...very similar to psychotherapy research!!

It's true we did cope without all this once didn't we. Perhaps though in days gone by there would have been ads on cave walls 'Single mum of two, partner taken by lions, would like to meet independent intelligent unattached cro-magnum with own cave and clubs'. Sounds ok to me!

[Cherrypie]

Wow..yes Andy... :guiness:

tonight you look like..

:guiness: er... umm...

a donkey..

Its pretty amazing but not quite what I was hoping for I must admit..

Need more beer maybe..

:guiness:

[Daisychain]

I've never used dating sites. I'm way too shy for that lol!