A sad Newbie

[SuicidalDella]

Hi there
My name is Della. I am sorry for what I have called myself. I hope it's allowed. If not I will unsubscribe.
I am currantly suffering with depression, epilespy and self harm.
Despite this I still do many things like play computer games, watch or read anime, try to do some running (self help guide told me to do this) and go out. However most of the time I sit indoors, in bed writing stories, drawing and writing suicidal poems.
I am not usually the type to feel suicidal but I have my moments. I won't deny I think of it constantly but I usually only think of it and not actually do anything like that. I have tried it once however.

Anyway enough of that. I am morbid.
I always enjoy going out with my friends but I often feel like I don't fit in if she is with other friends I don't know.
My favourite colour is black and some would go as far as to call me a goth type. However I have always been like this. 4 years ago I would of been as happy as anything but along comes depression and spoils it all.

Anyway thats me.
Sorry about my nick name. I hope it's alright.
Thanks.
Della

[Jenny]

Welcome to the forum Della,

I'm really glad that you have found this forum although I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you and the suicidal thoughts and depression is constant for you. It sounds really difficult and isolating.

I hope this forum is able to provide you with some peer to peer support as and when you need it. We'll always be here to listen so you don't need to be alone.

Maybe i could add a subforum for poetry/creative writing. Would that be of any interest to you? I know that writing and drawing can be therapeutic and it may be good to share your poetry if this is something you'd be interested in.. it could help? And i'm sure many here can relate to morbid thoughts.. i know i can. So don't feel bad about that.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself and i look forward to seeing you around on the forum
:hug:
Jenny xx

[sheep]

Welcome to HaS della. ita a good thing you can focus and do some creative things. its very good :)
I hope this place helps you with your problems, and you eventually get better :hug:

[brighteyes]

Welcome to the forum. I hope we can offer you support and maybe some ideas on getting through the rough times. :hug:

[Daisychain]

Hi Della, welcome to the forum :welcome:

[Thumper]

Hi Della and welcome to the forum :) I'm not sure if I've ever been suicidal beyond the occasional impulsive need, fortunately, the fear that comes from realisation is pretty scary and snaps me out of such destructive potential behaviour.

I can't really imagine what it must be like to go through a long period hurting so bad you just want an end to it all, any end but pain, so my heart goes out to you in your struggle.

I have however come across many a soul in torment over the years and what the majority of them had in common was a goodness and a compassion to others that you would be hard pushed to find in any ordinary busy community.

Maybe it helps them to express themselves first online in such a way and that's fine, good people will always project that which nurtures and cares, even if then do so silently and with little such compassion for themselves.

Am glad you reached out and found us :)