Are you in your Parent Adult or Child?

[andyhp]

There is an approach to psychotherapy called Transactional Analysis (TA). In TA it is believed we are always in one of three 'ego-states'. These are called Parent, Adult and Child (the PAC model)

If you feel that at a particular time you are thinking, feeling and behaving in response to the 'here and now' and utilising all the resources you have in a 'grown up' way then you are said to be in your Adult ego-state.

If you are thinking, feeling and behaving in ways that remind you of your parents or others who were parent 'like' figures to you then you are in your Parent ego-state.

If you feel you are thinking, feeling or behaving as you did when you were a child then you are in your Child ego-state.


Can you recall times when you recognise being 'strongly' in one of these ego-states?

Is there one in particular you feel you are in more often than the others?

Can you recall times when you related to someone from one of these ego-states?

Can you recall times when it felt that someone else was relating to you from a particular ego-state?


If you like this idea you can take it a little further. Parent can be split into Controlling Parent and Nurturing Parent (self explanatory?). Child can be split into Free Child and Adapted Child. Free Child is being childlike in an 'uncensored' natural way, engaging with the child within without regard for the internalised 'rules' of childhood. Adapted Child is replaying in the present the child you were who had to 'adapt' to parental pressure or expectations. The child who had to 'play by the rules'. Adult has only one aspect.

By necessity this is a simplistic 'version' of the PAC model but it can be illuminating to have a play with it nontheless.

[Jenny]

My mum and i have historically played a typical 'victim-rescuer' game for quite some time....

My mum makes out she can't do things, whether it be opening up a bottle, topping up her mobile phone etc. She then makes this childish face and whines, and i (in the past) would automatically just jump in and rescue her by doing it for her. But of course then she learnt that this would always happen.. and i always felt good about myself having the 'upper hand' or knowledge.

But when i was on a TA course i realised this and decided to stop this. I slowly taught my mum how to do things (if she didn't already know) and then stood back to let her do it herself. It was actually harder than it sounds.. the urge to jump in and rescue her was huge and it still is sometimes. But it's so much better this way.. it feels a lot more 'adult'.

[andyhp]

Really interesting. So you responded to her Child with your Parent but this often felt 'odd'? Did you ever get a sense of wondering 'what just happened there?'

Yes Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor. Another concept of TA, the Karpmann triangle. If it felt like she was Victim and you were Rescuer did you ever feel there was a point when either of you 'switched' to another role?

Did you get onto Games on your course and their linking to the triangle e.g. Kick me or Now I got you, you son of a b*tch.

I feel it is very hard sometimes for me to even detect what is 'afoot' so to speak let alone then to either 'opt out' or to change things. Did it feel good though to do it?