Rainy weather friends..

[Cherrypie]

I wonder if other counsellors, trainees, helpers, or just any one who is a good listener has had this problem.. The fair weather friend thing..but kind of in reverse..

I realise today I have lost what I had hoped was becoming a good friendship because the weather for her is fairer now and her life is happier. I can sense she doesn't need me any more to lean on and maybe staying friends with me is almost detrimental because it just reminds her of a bad time in her life. Time for fun friends perhaps not deep and meaningful friends..

Now of course I am genuinely delighted to see her happier but sad for me that she is no longer around. There was such intensity in our relationship for the time I was helping. Sharing emotion created intimacy so I am finding the shift back to a more formal and distant exchange difficult. There is a slight feeling of my only worth to her was for the purpose of helping her to survive that moment in time..actually..maybe it was..and maybe thats ok if I look at it that way..

I just do feel sorry to have lost her as I thought I had maybe found a lifelong friend.

Sad sad..

xCherrypie

[Fluffy Flowers]

I've found myself in uneven friendships like that, although I wouldn't call them friendships. Mine, to me, felt like I was a Support Worker to these people, and I always, always end up bitter that they take so much from me and yet have no interest in me (I think maybe this is extremer than what you are describing though).

I really hear what you say at the end about your worth, and I'm sorry that you feel that way. It's a different hat on when you are in a personal relationship than a professional one and in the professional role, this is exactly what you want, but on a personal relationship it can be emotionally damaging to be in those sorts of relationships, I think, and find yourself in that position.

I have had people wander away when things got better, but the only one I truly truly missed came back a while later. I think maybe people need that time and space to reestablish themselves and work out who and where they are.

I would try talking to her. Be honest about how you feel, not confrontational or anything (not that I think you would be-speaking from experience there) and just opn the lines of communication. It may be she feels you don't want to know her now she doesn't need support, or something, you never know.

I don't like being in the position you are, its a painful one, but I hope its not too painful for you.

Fluff x

[Cherrypie]

Thankyou Fluff, your support means a lot to me.

That was a really helpful and supportive response. I think I may play a part in it too of course in noticing this happening and then retreating away myself. I can be at fault too for not making efforts in friendships when there are any problems as I avoid conflict if at all possible.

I don't chase things up if I sense anyone moving away from me and I expect thats from a fear of finding I really am not wanted but maybe there can be genuine reasons for a gap and the other person does wonder whether I am still bothered about them...

Thankyou..its always helpful to get some perspective..

xx Cherrypie xx

[IndieSoul]

:hug: Cherry, I'm sorry you had to go through this. Relationships should be give and take in equal amounts, and it's always hurtful to have this abused. I wish I could say more that could help you, but know that I do care and that we're here to support you when others can't. I hope you find some friends that are willing to build a lasting relationship with you :) :arms:

[Katmandu40]

:hug: Cherrypie, I have to agree with Fluffy...try talking to her and tell her your feelings. She may be embarrassed or feel vulnerable around you if she has shared deep feelings with you at a time when she was having difficulties. Especially if the support has been pretty one-sided (I don't know that it was). I have kind of this experience in the reverse....I know how I felt when I was embarrased by what I had revealed (sp) and felt vulnerable...it's not a good feeling. It could be a combination of wanting to get away from her memory of being in a rough spot AND afraid of all the things she has told you!! I would talk to her. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!! :hug:

[Cherrypie]

Thanks Katmandu and Indie.. I do appreciate your sharing and support..

To be honest I don't feel she abused our relationship really as I gladly offered to be there for her and I got something from the rescuing I am sure..

Reminds of that email that goes around that says some friends are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime..

Thanks all
Cherrypie