Same sex /opposite sex counsellors..

[Daisychain]

When I was choosing a counsellor, I specifically chose a female therapist. Given my past and being abused, I think I would feel uncomfortable to say the least opening up to a male. It's something that I would like to try to help me overcome my anxious feelings being around men alone.What have your experiences been with counsellors of the opposite sex?

[TDM]

To be honest, I'm the same way. Don't get me wrong - I do have friends that are guys, but I couldn't really tell them the same sorts of things I'd be more likely to tell a female. Not that I actually say much to my counsellor anyways.

TDM

[Jenny]

I've never had a male counsellor before and consciously have always sought female counsellors in the past. I think this is due to my own experiences and expectations of men, but a part of me does wonder whether me seeking out a male counsellor could be a useful learning curve for me - maybe it would help me challenge some of my beliefs and i'm pretty sure i would transfer a lot of powerful feelings on a man which would be really helpful to work through. But at the same time there's something scary about seeing a man.. it's like a viscous circle!

[crookxshanks]

ive had a male and female counsellor. i just felt i couldnt open up to the male counsellor and so didnt and it wasnt long before i ended the sessions as in a strange way it felt like i was talking to someone who really didnt understand even though i knew he was really good counsellor. the female counsellor that i see now is a lot more helpful and easier to talk to. i think maybe its because ive never really been comfortable around men in general and so bad experiences with men may reflect in how you open up to the type of sex of counsellor you have.

[Matt]

I would always go with a female councellor. Men seem more likely to have preconceived ideas in my experience, and tbh, a certain arrgonance and ego, if other men in the "health profession" are anything to go by. I also always thought as a I guy I would be judged by a male counsellor pretty quickly, and I wanted to avoid that.

I would like to see another female psych/counsellor again.

[brighteyes]

I would have difficulty seeing a male counselor. I have known a few and dealt with them in situations that were not relating to me and found them to be every bit as good as the female ones, but I still could not be open with one for myself I don't think.

[Jenny]

I find it interesting because i believe male counsellors would be just as compassionate as female counsellors (otherwise they wouldn't be doing the job) but it must be our preconceptions and past experiences that so far have lead everyone who has replied to this thread to say that their preference would be female counsellors. I guess that's good news for any female trainee counsellor.. but i'd be interested in hearing more from people who do see male counsellors. Or even from any male counsellors.

If i do seek out counselling again i may well consider seeing a male counsellor.. this thread has really got me thinking :)

[brighteyes]

Well, if you do Jenny, let me know how it goes. I would be interested to know as well. I know there are many excellent male counselors out there. I think some of them are even more caring thansome of the females, but it is hard to get past the trust issue and comfort level discussing sexual abuse etc. when the majority of your abusers were of that gender. At least for me.

[Claire]

My therapist is female. I never specifically requested a female that's just who I was assigned. At the time my past history of abuse was not a pressing issue for me, the more we explored stuff in therapy, the more it became an issue. If I'd had a male therapist I don't know if I would have been as comfortable discussing it.

Saying that, my current & previous psychiatrists are men. I also prefer to see male gp's for some reason.

[Fluffy Flowers]

I have only had female therapists. I saw two that were private and after they both didn't work I decided to look for a male because I thought that might work. It is still something that I have stored in the back of my mind. I didn't look for him in the end because a new therapist fell into my lap due to the PCT getting their arse into gear, and she is a woman.

[shrinknightmare]

I have seen 2 female and 1 male, he was a one off. I think women are more chatty, and I prefer that.

[Old Wolf]

I am a male counsellor. While I can understand many of the comments in this thread I would say that perhaps the only way to resolve "damage" by past male abusers is to work through the issues with a male counsellor - it might mean trying a few before, hopefully, finding one you can begin to trust. In general I suspect females are seen as more careing etc. than males (by both sexes) because of the father/mother roles and by males because of natural competitiveness. What say others.....?

[Jenny]

I agree.. i think sometimes we have built our theories about people based on past experiences so if our own fathers were less 'caring' part of the family we are more likely to seek female counsellors in the hope that they are more nurturing. And yes one way to challenge the belief would be to seek a male therapist and work through it with them - scary but beneficial i'm sure. I'm guessing it could be the same the other way round too, so if people have better experiences of their dads than their mums they may seek out male therapists - or they may seek female therapists in an attempt to get what they didn't get from their own mothers.

Confusing stuff! At the end of the day i think everyone is different and both male and female counsellors wouldn't be in the profession if they weren't 'caring', and i suppose there's some stereotypical issues to take in to consideration too.

:confused: