Silences in Counselling

[Jenny]

I used to HATE silences, but have actually become quite ok with them over the years.. in fact with my ex therapist we could sit there for what seemed like years (although maybe minutes) in silence and it felt ok, safe even.

I've started therapy again and i've noticed that while I'm ok with the silences, they are often interrupted by my therapist..although not in a bad way. I mean, she normally says something useful in the silence or asks a question, etc. but some of me wonders whether she is not ok with silence.. I had read somewhere that what comes immediately after a silence from the client can be very important. Like, i imagine a lot of clients don't like silences and will rack their brain to think of something to say..

In a way it's good that i don't have to find things to say in order to avoid the silence.. but actually i'm wondering whether that's good or bad! I guess the main thing that goes through my mind during a therapeutic silence is that 'this is a waste of money'.. ha ha

How are you with silences in the therapy room - whether you're a counsellor or client. Do you fill in the gap? Do you like sitting in silence and just 'being'...?

[IndieSoul]

I used to hate them as well...I tried to fill in the gaps, and when I couldn't, I'd get anxious and fidget a lot. Now I'm much better with them. I think I'm much better about therapy altogether, except that I will withdraw a bit afterwords because I'm thinking a lot. But silences don't bother me hardly at all anymore. It's nice :)

[Katmandu40]

Silences didn't use to bother me...didn't really care and had many silent sessions in my time, but now they can bother me. Feel like I'm wasting my session...oh well. My therapist can usually get me going again when I get stuck.

[aimeejulia]

the silences give the therapist time to take what is being said in and also time to think of where to go next

i used to hate silences the very first couple of sessions i started crying during every pause because somehow i thought that i had shocked the therapist out of her wits

[Jenny]

When you sit down at the beginning of the session, does your therapist ask anything like "how are you?" or is there silence, leaving it to you to talk about whatever you want?

My current therapist says nothing at the beginning.. we could easily sit there for minutes, but i normally end up smiling/laughing and talking crap :D

[Katmandu40]

My therapist waits for me to start...if I don't, she will usually ask a question at some point...like "what are you thinking about".

[cownes]

ive always been ok with the silences, not sure why, just always have, im glad my counsellor starts my session, otherwise i dont think i would ever get going, i wouldnt no what to say, or what to do.